What Have I done?
by Smokinghotvampires
Summary: Damon teaches Elena to feed but makes a mistake and does the one thing he'd promised himself he'd never do.
1. Chapter 1

Elena had been unable to hold anything down since her transition. She tried Stefan's way of feeding from animals instead of humans, more for his approval than her belief that it would work. He was worried she'd go over the edge like him if she drank human blood and lose her humanity in the process. When the animal blood didn't work, she tried to tell Stefan, but he just brushed it off, telling her she'd learn to tolerate it eventually, completely in denial of what was really happening with Elena. She found herself sneaking a blood bag from the freezer at the boarding house, but within minutes, she vomited that up as well. She had no idea why she couldn't keep anything down. All she knew was she was starving, and fearful she might snap and kill a human out of desperation. Not being able to reach Caroline, she went to the one person she knew she could count on to help her...Damon.

After their argument the night she turned, he had stayed clear of her especially since Stefan refused to listen to him about the reality of Elena feeding. She would rather swallow her pride and ask him for help than kill someone because she was starving. She'd told him she didn't want to hurt anyone and refused to feed from humans, so it left them with only one alternative, feed from Damon. He told her they had to keep it from Stefan because drinking from another vampire was very personal, but she didn't understand exactly what that meant until she felt the erotic euphoria when she tasted his sweet blood flowing down her throat, and felt all his emotions pouring through her. For the first time since she turned, she felt full and refreshed. She managed to hold it down longer than any of the other blood which gave her strength and hope, but eventually she got sick from it too. The remaining alternative was to do the very thing she hadn't wanted, feed directly from a human.

Of course Stefan had been more than pissed and jealous that Elena drank from his brother, and disappointed that Elena had lied to him about it. Though he disapproved of her feeding from humans, he was relieved that she wouldn't be drinking from Damon again. Elena was fearful of killing anyone to begin with, but that fear was magnified by Stefan's constant warnings that she could lose control and end up a Ripper like him. Stefan was still having trouble controlling it himself, so he would never be able to teach her. It was crucial to Elena's survival that she learn to control her cravings and learn how to stop before draining a person dry. Caroline, who drank strictly from blood bags, wasn't a candidate to teach Elena, so that task fell to Damon. He was the only one out of them who had managed to control his feedings without losing his mind. Despite all the heartache Elena had caused Damon by her rejections, he set aside his own pain and agreed to help her.

Damon had been showing Elena how to feed from a human without killing them for the last week. Each time they'd practiced, Damon had lured the victim in for Elena, but tonight it was her turn to try it on her own. From a distance, she scouted out a young man jogging. She looked at Damon, seeking his approval, and received a confirmation nod in return. She took a deep breath and did her best to play the part they'd agreed on. She staggered towards the man, pretending to be out of breath and near hysteria.

"Please, help me! A man tried to attack me. I think he's still after me."

Concerned, the man tried to calm her. "Are you ok?" He leaned down to help her steady herself, and that's when she compelled him. "

You're not going to run or call for help. I just need to borrow some of your blood." Dazed, the man stood there while Elena bit into his neck. This was the real test. Could she stop on her own? Damon had been teaching her the finer points of taking just enough to eat without completely draining the prey. The first few times, he had to pull her way because she was so hungry her craving was too strong to fight on her own. She forced herself to stop just at the edge of feeling full when she felt the victim's heartbeat slow. It was almost like a 30 second count. That's the limit she set. When she pulled away, the blood was smeared on her lips. She took her scarf and wiped the man's neck, removing the blood mark. She then bit her wrist and fed him. When she was done, she said, "Now, continue your jog like nothing ever happened." The man nodded then ran off.

Damon had been lurking behind a car, watching to make sure she did things right. He had to hand it to her, she did better than he'd expected. As he approached, she looked at him quizzically as if waiting for a rating on her performance. Damon clapped his hands as he approached her. "Very good. See that wasn't so hard." She smiled sheepishly, embarrassed that she was proud of herself for succeeding. She took him by surprise, almost knocking him over, as she jumped at him, throwing her arms around him in a hug. "Um, ok, Elena I know you're happy, but we should get you home."

Overall the night had been pretty successful, except Elena had been acting out of character all evening, flirting with Damon. At first, he thought it was his imagination, and that he was misreading her excitement over mastering the feeding technique, but then he realized she was definitely trying to seduce him. He knew her feelings were heightened right now, including her lust for sex. To keep himself under control, he reminded himself over and over that she'd chosen his brother. He tried to keep it in perspective that she was just messed up from the transition, and she was having a hard time controlling her urges. Urges...he was having a very hard time controlling his own urges at the moment. He loved her and had wanted her for so long. This game she was playing was torturing him.

They arrived at her house, after their hunting adventure, and walked in laughing, discussing the ridiculous things that she had tried to lure her victims. Jeremy was there, as they came in, and both she and Damon stopped talking immediately. It had been hard enough for him to accept that she had transitioned for his sake. The last thing she wanted was for him to have to hear the things she did as a vampire. She motioned Damon towards the stairs, indicating they should continue their discussion in her room. Once they reached her room, she shut the door behind them before they resumed their discussion about the events of the night. Damon stood near the edge of the bed, tossing her bear around in his hands as they talked, while Elena walked into the bathroom to change, making sure the door was slightly ajar. He could partially see her, as she began changing her clothes. He thought, _is she trying to temp me? _When she came back out, she was scantily dressed in a tank top and very short shorts. She continued to talk excitedly to Damon about how the night had gone. She walked over to Damon, closing the distance between them, so they were only mere inches from each other.

She looked in his eyes and said to him seriously, "Thanks for taking me to hunt tonight. I know I said I didn't want to feed on humans, but you were right. I felt more in control tonight. It was empowering."

Painfully aware of her closeness, he could feel his resolve slipping. He caught himself flirting with her playfully. "The allure can really make you lose control."

She looked up into his powder blue eyes, as she placed her hand on his chest, and slightly bit her lip flirtatiously. "Yeah, it's intoxicating."

They were so close they could feel the warmth of each other's breath. They looked at each other for a few seconds as their breathing increased. Neither of them could control themselves any longer. They lunged into a passionate kiss. She pulled his head to her, engulfing his lips in hers, as if she could just devour him. The desire she showed for him made it impossible for him to resist. He could no longer control how much he wanted her. She had teased him mercilessly all night. The logical part of himself knew he should resist, and that he would only be hurting himself in the end. At this moment though, his logic was the last thing he planned on listening to. His manhood was in control on this one. He had to have her just once. His hands grabbed her at the small of her back, pressing her into him. The feel of him against her set her on fire. Her hands immediately slid from the back of his neck, down his chest, peeling his shirt off as she went. She followed her hands with small kisses all over his chest, desperately needing to feel his bare skin against hers. The memory of their passionate kiss at the motel ran through her mind. She wanted him then, but she was too afraid. This time she wouldn't be so foolish.

She backed him up to her bed, never allowing her lips to leave his. She pushed him down, straddling on top of him. His hands roamed up the back of her shirt, as she rubbed her pelvis against his. She loved how hard he felt. He sat up under her, kissing her neck before peeling off her top. His hands cupped her breasts, as he laid kisses all around them. She arched her back with pleasure, as he took her nipple in his mouth, gently nibbling it. He flipped her over, kissing down her neck, as he rubbed his hardness against her pelvis. He started at her neck, placing kisses all down her body until his tongue rested along the top of her shorts. His hand was sliding up the inside of her thigh, all the way up through her shorts, finally reaching it's delicate destination. She let out a gasp of air as his fingers erotically maneuvered themselves back and forth. All the while, he continued his delicate kisses up and down her stomach. A devilish smile reached his lips, as he enjoyed feeling her squirm underneath him at the pleasure of his touch. He stopped briefly, staring at the beautiful look of lust on her face when he peeled off her shorts. In no time, he resumed his incredible finger massage and body kisses until he felt her body shake as she climaxed.

She was breathless, as he came up to her lips and kissed her passionately. God, she ached for him to be inside her. She rubbed her leg against him and ran her hands down the muscles of his back, resting at the waist band of his pants. She pushed down, indicating she wanted them off. He pulled back his lips, leaving hers just enough for her to unzip his pants. He was so hard she almost couldn't get his zipper to slide down. As he helped her pull off his pants, she felt the warmth of his exposed cock brush against her, which just made her ache more for him. They were both completely naked now, their bodies pressed together, their breathing increasing with the excitement, as their tongues continued to fondle each other's mouth. Neither could stand the teasing anymore. As he penetrated her for the first time, a moan of pleasure escaped from her lips. Her warmth and softness felt incredible to him. This moment was more erotic, more intensely emotional than all the other women he'd slept with including Katherine. He looked in her eyes with intense love, as he rhythmically rocked himself inside her. She stared back into his beautiful blue eyes, lost in the deep emotions she felt. Every part of her body was on fire with desire for him. She wrapped her legs around him, pressing him deeper inside her as the passion took over. His hand caressed her face, as he ran his thumb across her lower lip. His mouth engulfed her in another deep kiss. He leaned his forehead against hers as his pace increased. She felt his incredible warmth, as he finished inside her. She stroked his hair away looking deeply in his eyes, as she pulled him in for a long gentle kiss.

Both were panting heavily when their lips parted. He gently rolled off of her, lying on his back. His hair was matted with signs of perspiration. They looked out of the corner of their eyes at each other, trying to regain their composure. He saw a drop roll down her face and thought for a moment she was crying. When he gently wiped the drop away, he realized she was just as hot as he was from the intense passion. He pushed back a piece of hair that was stuck to her face and slightly smiled. They laid that way in silence for a few moments just looking at each other. She slid closer to him, resting her cheek on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, gently caressing her shoulder. She closed her eyes for a moment, taking in his soothing touch. She delicately ran her fingers across his chest, outlining each muscle.

"Do you ever miss it...being human?"

His response came without hesitation. "All the time." She looked up at him with a quizzical look. He teased, "Don't look so surprised."

She smiled sheepishly at him. "It's just that you've always seemed to embrace being a vampire."

"I embrace it because I don't have a choice. I spent the first 50 years despising what I'd become, hiding in shadows, refusing to drink until I'd passout."

She rolled onto her stomach, draping herself across his chest, so she could see him better. "What changed?"

"I came across other vampires who showed me another way. Denying it wasn't going to change anything. I had to make a choice, either live out eternity in misery, or enjoy the things I still had."

She rested her chin lightly on his chest. Sadly, she said, "What if I can't accept it?"

"You have to Elena. You can't go back. That life is over." He could see his words sinking in as a profound sadness ran across her face. "It'll be different for you than it was for me. You have a lot of people who care about you to help you through it. I'll always be here for you, if you need me."

She nodded slightly in acknowledgement. Her fingers ran across his chest again, trailing them with small kisses. "What were you like when you were human?"

He rolled his eyes up in reflection before looking back at her. "I was...like you...decent...kind. I had good morals." He looked at her with that last word before correcting himself. "Well mostly." She gave him a smirk, knowing too well what he meant. He smiled back then continued. "I never wanted to hurt anyone. That's why I left the war, too much bloodshed."

She knew he fought in the Civil War, but he'd never said much about it. "You had to do what you thought was right."

He scoffed, "Yeah, my father didn't see it that way. I became an even bigger disappointment."

She could see the pain of that rejection behind the distant look in his eyes. "He was wrong Damon."

"No, he wasn't. I proved him right by consorting with a vampire. That's why he killed me. That's why he killed Stefan too, turning us both into the thing he despised the most." He blinked away the thought, returning him to the present. "'Then the son he treasured the most killed him and completed the transition with his blood." He weakly smiled at her at the twistedness of it.

She studied his face, as he tried to hide the pain. She had only seen him this vulnerable once before when he was on the verge of dying from a werewolf bite. He never really let people know the pain he'd lived through. He hid it all behind his protective walls of indifference. Looking into his mesmerizing eyes, she whispered, "I'm sure he loved you too Damon. I just think he didn't understand you."

He snickered. "Yeah, that's because he was too busy beating me into submission." He caught himself as soon as he said it. He didn't mean to divulge so much.

She had no idea what to say to that. Elena knew from what Stefan told her that Damon had taken the brunt of their father's abuse, but she hadn't realized it involved beating him. She knew a change of subject was in order. "You know, I never thanked you for all the times you saved my life. I was always too busy being mad at you. I know you were just trying to protect me."

"Except this time."

"You still saved me Damon, you were there. It was your blood that brought me back."

"I'm not the one that gave it to you."

She scooted closer to him placing a soft kiss on his neck before nuzzling her head under his chin. "But it's still why I'm here."

He rested his cheek on the top of her head, as she closed her eyes to sleep. He loved her more than anything, but he wouldn't ruin this moment by saying it. He'd made that mistake too many times before. This moment was all he had before it was time to let her go again. In the morning, she'd realize her mistake, and things would go back to the way they were, albeit with an added awkwardness between them. Letting go would be more painful this time, but he accepted that going in. He etched in his memory the fragrant smell of her hair, the softness of her skin, and the beauty of her naked figure lying against him before he drifted off to sleep.

When Elena awoke, she smiled at the beautiful naked figure of Damon, sleeping peacefully beside her. Lying on his back, she studied the muscles along his chest and abdomen, recalling the feel of them beneath her fingers. She smiled at the sight of his disheveled jet black hair, as she remembered her hands running through it while they passionately kissed. Thinking about last night made her want him all over again. She slide over closer to him, pressing her bare breasts against his chest. She wrapped her right arm around him and gently kissed his neck. He immediately became aroused, as her hand lightly ran along his stomach. He gave a gentle moan, as he stirred awake from the excitement of her touch.

She mumbled, "Morning," into his neck as she gave him another kiss.

He opened his eyes to look at her smiling sleepily. "Morning." He caressed down her cheek and along her chin.

Elena asked, "Did you sleep ok?"

He craned his neck to look at her better and pursed his lips in an '_eh'_ gesture. "On and off. You?"

She propped herself up on one elbow, softly rubbing her lips against his shoulder. Surprised at her own answer, she replied, "Really well actually. For the first time since I transitioned, I felt..._safe_, like everything was going to be ok."

He nodded, "Good. I'm glad." She kissed his shoulder again and moved her hand lower, lightly brushing against his erection. Before she could go any lower, he entwined his fingers with hers and guided her hand higher. Hesitantly he said, "I should probably get going."

She looked over at the clock. It read 5:00am. He crawled out of bed just as she turned back. "But it's still early. Jeremy won't be up for while."

He gave her a tight smile. "Still I need to go."

She looked lustfully at his obvious erection and playfully said, "It doesn't look like you want to leave."

He gave her a half smile, as he put on his jeans and zipped them up. He pulled on his boots. He needed to leave now. The longer he stayed, the harder it would be to let her go. "Yeah, well, it's time to get back to reality."

She sat up, holding the sheet to cover her breasts. Confused, she said, "Damon, what's wrong? Did I miss something while I was asleep?"

He stood in front of her shirtless, looking incredibly sexy with the moonlight shining in on his muscles. He sighed heavily. "Look Elena, last night was..._whew..._", he let out a breath indicating how incredible it was, "but we both know it doesn't change anything. Your emotions are all over the place right now. We just got carried away." He put his shirt on and began buttoning it up.

Flabbergasted, she replied, "But I wanted you. We wanted each other. I don't regret that."

He tilted his head and raised his eyebrows. "Maybe not now, but once you get control of your feelings again you'll see things differently." He grabbed his jacket and put it on. "I think it's best if we forget about this. It was just a...mistake." He walked over to the window to leave, but before he could reach it, Elena was in front of him. She stood in front of him, wrapped in a sheet, her hair all a mess in a way that only happens from wild sex. _God, she looked sexy in that sheet_.

She pleaded with him. "Damon, last night wasn't a mistake. Don't do this. Don't turn your feelings off like you didn't feel something."

He cupped his hand behind her hair, stroking her cheek with his thumb. He looked at her with sadness in his eyes. "I'm not turning it off. I'm just accepting the truth."

Before she could say anything, he was gone. She stood there in shock at the sudden turn of the night. She sat down on the window seat, pulling her knees to her chest, and cried. _This is all my fault. He thinks this meant nothing. Why didn't I tell him how I felt?_ She pulled out her journal to try and work thru her thoughts.

_Dear Diary,_

_I slept with Damon tonight, and it was the most passionate night I've ever had. Every part of me was on fire with his touch, but it wasn't just the sex that made it incredible. It was more than that. For once, he let me see his heart, and I felt deeply connected to him. But this morning, he pulled himself away and said it was a mistake. It's all my fault. I should've told him how I felt. I should've told him that I love him. Why didn't I tell him? Now he thinks I just used him out of lust like Katherine did. He expects me to stay with Stefan. And why wouldn't he? All I've ever done was push him away because of Stefan. I could see the pain in his eyes as he left. I don't blame him. I've done so much to hurt him. What was I so afraid of? I was afraid he wouldn't believe me. He's always been there for me to help me through the bad, to save my life, to love me unconditionally. Even after I broke his heart again by choosing Stefan, he was by my side to help me through the transition. The truth is, in that moment I chose, I panicked. I chose Stefan because he was safe, because the intensity I felt with Damon was too frightening. How could I just let him go like that? They've told me that our feelings are magnified when we become a vampire. It's true. I loved Damon before, but now I don't feel like I can breathe without him. I need to fix this. I need to make him see how much I love him. It can't be too late._

Damon drove for awhile, trying to reign in his feelings before he went home to face Stefan. He would have to pretend that it didn't rip his heart out to see Stefan with Elena after he'd just made love to her. He needed to bury these feelings deep. Dwelling on them wouldn't change the reality that she would never truly love him. When he'd been inside her, he swore he saw something in her eyes, he saw love for him. _Who am I kidding? I just saw what I wanted to see._ _It doesn't matter. All that matters is that I don't make the same mistake that I did with Katherine. _He won't share her, not this time. He wouldn't be used again. It was one thing to have meaningless sex with random women, but it was another to sleep with the woman you loved, knowing she'd never be yours. She'd made her choice, and like it or not, he would respect it. He finally arrived home just as the sun was rising. He immediately walked to the bar to pour himself a drink. He needed to forget. He slammed one glass then another. The third glass he took with him to the couch where he laid down. He placed the cool glass on his forehead, trying to clear his thoughts. He closed his eyes, and all he could think about was what it felt like to hold her, to feel every inch of her body. For his own sanity, he needed to block this out. She would go back to Stefan like nothing happened, so he'd have to pretend he didn't care. It was the only way he could survive. It's just how it would always be for him.


	2. Chapter 2

Elena's guilt overwhelmed her, threatening to crush her sanity which she was barely holding onto to begin with. She felt guilty for cheating on Stefan, it wasn't something she thought she'd ever do, but she felt equally guilty for cheating Damon. She'd cheated Damon for far too long, cheated him out of the knowledge that she did love him. He'd been dodging her calls for nearly a week now. She could've gone to the boarding house to confront him, but she didn't want to risk Stefan walking in or overhearing their discussion. Elena knew she needed to talk to them both at some point, but wasn't sure yet what to say. She needed to get Damon to undestand that their night together wasn't just some meaningless romp. She wasn't trying to use him or hurt him. She needed to somehow get him to realize that she actually loved him, that he wasn't just some after thought, or that she was just being fickle.

In the meantime, Stefan kept coming over to see how she was doing, playing the doting boyfriend. Stefan didn't know anything had happened, so he had no reason to act any differently. She'd managed to avoid much physical contact with him other than a hug. She felt dirty whenever he tried to kiss her, so she made excuses to pull away before it turned into anything beyond a quick peck. Since they'd gotten back together, something always prevented them from consumating their renewed relationship, and now that something happened with Damon, she wanted to keep it that way. She hadn't wanted to hurt Stefan's feelings, and she knew it wasn't his fault, but right now she found his attention annoying. All she could focus on was what had happened between her and Damon, and what she planned on telling him. All she wanted was to try to fix things with him. Instead, Stefan was there interrupting her thoughts, but worse yet was the thought that Damon knew where Stefan was, and that he thought she just jumped right back with Stefan after their night together. It killed her to imagine what he must be thinking, and how much he must be hurting.

Stefan played along with her charade for a bit afraid to find out the truth. If he ignored it like he usually did, maybe it would go away. It didn't, so eventually he found himself asking her. "Did something go wrong with your feeding course?"

Nervously, Elena replied, "No, why do you ask?"

"Because Damon has been pretty quiet lately, avoiding me for the most part. He doesn't usually do that unless something is wrong. And you've been acting strange yourself, distant. What happened?"

The shaking in her voice was apparent, but still she tried to deny it. She didn't know what she planned on saying to Damon, and she definitely had no idea where to begin with Stefan. "Everything...everything is fine. He probably thinks you're still upset about him feeding me, or maybe it has something to do with the council. I really don't know." _Please can we just change the subject, _she desperately thought.

He nodded his head solemnly, knowing full well she was lying, but if she wasn't ready to tell him yet, then there was nothing else he could do. Her emotions were running wild, and he was afraid of rocking the boat sending her over the edge.

Seeing his presence wasn't wanted, he said, "Well I'm going to get going. You look like you could use some time to yourself." Stefan was great at making her feel guilty whether he did it intentionally or not.

She said, "I'm sorry Stefan. I really do just need some time alone right now. I promise we'll talk when I sort myself out."

This confrontation with Stefan motivated her to do what she'd been avoiding for the last week. Hiding from it wasn't going to make it go away, and it wasn't going to fix itself. It was time to talk to Damon even if she had to manipulate him to get his attention. She called his cell phone again, leaving him several messages, but he never returned her call. She couldn't blame him for not wanting to see her or talk to her. It had to be painful for him. Still, her desperation to talk to him grew the longer he avoided her. She needed to come up with a plan. She sent him a text.

Sent: "I've tried to reach you several times. Please call me back. It's really important. Please!"

There was a long pause before she received a response.

Received: "What's going on?"

_Ok, he answered. The door is open._

Sent: "I need to talk to you. I need your help."

Received: "With what?'

Sent: "Having blood lust issues."

This was as good of a lie as any. She knew he would always help her if she needed it.

Received: 'Can't Stefan or Caroline help?"

Sent: "They're not around."

Received: "Where are they?"

_Boy he's making this difficult._

Sent: "Caroline is with Tyler. I have no idea where Stefan is. Can I come over?"

_What's taking him so long to reply?_

Received: "Fine."

_Whew! I've got his attention. Now what do I say when I get there?_

She was actually shaking as she drove over to the boarding house. It was an odd feeling being so nervous to see him. Even when they'd been fighting after he slept with Rebekah, she hadn't felt like this. Maybe it was because she knew for once she needed to convince _him _to give _her_ a chance. He had always chased her before. She had to lay her feelings on the line. She couldn't lose him, not now that her emotional flood gate was open.

She arrived at the house, turned off the car, and took a deep breath before she went in. She walked into the living room shyly, with her hands in her jeans pockets. Damon was pouring himself a drink, but he heard her come in. "Hey", she said softly.

Without looking up at her, he replied, "Hey." He gave her a sideways glance as he stirred his drink. Cutting to the chase, he asked, "So what happened?"

She began weaving the story she planned to use as her excuse for coming over. "I've been trying to feed on my own like we practiced."

He didn't move from behind the bar, but he was looking up at her now, sipping his drink. "And?"

"Each time I've tried I've taken more and more."

He looked at her curiously. "Tell me what happened."

She swallowed hard. "I went to the park like we'd done before. I coaxed a jogger over to me and started to feed, but I couldn't stop. The more I drank, the more I wanted. I knew I needed to stop before I drained her, but I couldn't pull myself away."

Remaining matter of fact, he asked, "Did you kill her?"

"No, I stopped but only because I heard someone coming then I ran away."

He gave her a sarcastic look. "Then how do you know she wasn't dead?" He could see she was shaken, so he decided to pour her a drink as well.

"I'd pulled her behind a car and went back after the person left. I fed her my blood then compelled her."

He raised his eyebrows and shrugged, as he walked over to hand her the drink. He said flatly, "Sloppy, but you didn't kill her at least. Here, this will help with the cravings." As soon as she grabbed the drink, he walked away from her as if the closeness were too much for him.

"Thanks."

He did his best to keep his affect cool, but she knew seeing her after what happened between them couldn't be any easier for him than it was for her, despite what he might make it look like. How do you shut your feelings off after you've spent such an intimate night with someone you care about? He may be a pro at one night stands, but she knew he deeply loved her. This had to affect him more than he was letting on. He sat on a chair across the room from her. _Nice. Could he put any more distance between us?_

He continued with the conversation at hand. "It takes time to get it under control. I think it's probably just too soon for you to hunt by yourself. Next time, you should take Barbie with you. God knows Stefan wouldn't be able to help you with that one."

She knew he was refering to his brother's issues with controlling his own blood lust, but the mention of Stefan made the tension between them somehow thicker, if that even was possible. He assumed she'd gone back to Stefan despite their night together. That's what this whole tension between them was about, her choosing Stefan but still manipulating him too. She said hesitantly, "I was hoping you'd continue to help me with that."

He paused looking into his glass before responding. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Defensively, she said, "Why because I might seduce you again?"

Without emotion, he replied, "Because you need to focus. Barbie can help you do that."

"So can you."

"No, not when your emotions are all over the place."

Her frustration started to show. She gave a nervous laugh. "So that's it? You're not going to help me? I can't be around you anymore?"

Trying to remain logical, he leaned back in his chair and draped his arm around the back of it. "It's for the best Elena."

"Best for who? Me or you?"

He replied calmly, "Both."

Tears started to well in her eyes. She shook her head. "How do you do it? How do you just turn it off so easily? Maybe you should've taught me that because for the life of me I haven't been able to figure out how to do it." In her frustration, she laid in a dig as a last ditch attempt to rile some emotion in him. "I guess it was just another one night stand to you." She got up and started to pace, wrapping her arms around herself, trying to hold back the tears. That stirred deep emotions in him. Just as she turned around, he was right in front of her, grabbing her by the shoulders.

Anger rose in his voice, as he looked her straight in the eyes. "You _know_ that's not true!"

She stared back into his eyes finally seeing emotion there. "Then stop acting like you didn't feel anything!"

They were so close that her hair moved from his breath as he spoke. "It doesn't matter what I felt Elena. It never has and it never will." He let go of her shoulders, trying regain a modicum of composure.

The tears started streaming down her face. She shook her head fiercly. "That's not true. It matters to me."

"Really Elena? I tried to change. I did _everything_ you wanted me to do, but it still wasn't enough. It's always Stefan..." She shook her head, no, as she tried to muffle her sobs. "...and it will always be Stefan. I'm supposed to believe that one night is going to change that?" Angry at himself for releasing his feelings, he turned away from her towards the fire.

She spoke to his back. "Yes, because I wouldn't have slept with you if I didn't feel something for you. You should know me well enough to know that."

His eyebrows were furrowed, and he was breathing heavily as he stared at the fire. "You're a vampire now. You'll do things you wouldn't have done as a human."

Through stifled sobs, she said, "I know I hurt you when I chose him, but I haven't gone back to him completely, not the way you think. We've just been trying to figure things out."

"It doesn't matter. You'll go back eventually."

She was getting so frustrated. He had every right to give her a hard time, but it was breaking her heart that she couldn't get through to him. "Do you know why I chose Stefan?"

Still facing the fire, he looked over his shoulder at her. "Because you're _SO_ in love with him."

"Yes, I do love him." He looked back at the fire, trying to hide the pain at hearing the words he knew would come. "But that's not why I chose him. I chose him because he was safe."

He turned around, annoyed at her feeble excuse. "And I'm not because I lash out right?" That was the excuse she used in Denver, but it was only partially true.

"Everything with you is just so intense. With Stefan it's easier."

"Because he always caves to what you want."

"No...yes...I...I don't know...maybe. You have to understand Stefan and I didn't break up because we wanted to. We were pulled from each other. Look, all I know is when Ric died I felt like I lost my parents all over again. I just wanted to go back to the way things were when they made sense and I felt safe. ."

He felt like he was swallowing razor blades as he said, "Then you chose right. So what's the problem?"

She closed the gap between them. "The problem is it's all a lie Damon. We're both being naive, too much has changed to go back. None of us are the same people we were. I love Stefan, I do..."

_Does she just enjoy ripping my heart out over and over?_

"...but not the way I love you."

His eyes widened then narrowed in anger at her words. "I'm supposed to believe you love me? Right, that's why you keep choosing my brother."

"I know it doesn't make sense, but it's true. I've been fighting it for so long because it..it frightens me."

"Why?"

"Because it's unlike anything I've felt before. It makes me feel so out of control."

"You think I like feeling out of control? That's all I've been since I met you!"

"I know that's the problem Damon. Things can be so volitale between us that when we're on the same team it's incredible, but when we're not, it destroys us. What if things didn't work out and I lost you?"

"That's a cop out. We've worked through things before Elena."

"Yes, as friends, but it would be different if we were involved. I mean we weren't even involved, and the thing with Rebekah tore us apart. What would've happened if we'd been more? You don't know how important you've become in my life. I've survived without Stefan, but if I lost you, I don't know what I would do."

Pissed, he said, "I guess we'll never know because it wasn't worth it to you to even try. Why should you when you can keep us both this way, right?"

She averted her eyes. As hard as it was to admit, she realized what he said was true.

He saw the recognition on her face. Through gritted teeth, he said, "Sorry, you don't get to have it both ways. I won't do that again."

Her eyes sprang back up to meet his. That was the last thing she wanted him to think. "I don't expect you to. I just want a chance to make things right. I love you."

Breathing heavily, trying to control his emotions, Damon said cooly, "Sorry, it's too late. I don't believe you."

She nodded, trying to hold back the crocodile tears that were about to fall. She sniffled. "I'm sorry. I know how much I've hurt you, but I hope that one day you'll believe me." She wiped the tears that poured down her face and laughed nervously. "I have eternity to wait right?"

Before Damon could say anything else, Stefan walked in. He saw Elena crying. He looked at his brother then back at Elena concerned. "What's going on in here?"

Elena briefly looked at Damon then back to Stefan. Wiping the tears from her face, she said, "Nothing. Everything's fine. I've got to go." She walked out of the room quickly then out the front door.

Stefan looked at Damon, who had a seriously intense look on his face. "What did you do to upset her?"

Damon's eyes narrowed in anger at the assumption that he'd done something wrong as usual. "I didn't do anything. She did it to herself." Damon stormed out, grabbing his coat. _I'm NOT in the mood for him. I've got to get out of here._

Damon drove around for a while, trying to digest what he'd just heard. He didn't know what to believe anymore. Whenever he'd accepted that she would never be his, she would decide to throw him a bone, making him think he somehow still stood a chance. Each time he'd tell himself he wasn't going to fall for it, but he always did. Hope was a bitch. In the end, it was always Stefan, and he was left with a broken heart. He wouldn't let himself fall for it again. He had to move on. _But this time she actually poured her heart out. She didn't say she didn't know. Instead, she said she loves me. No, don't believe it. She doesn't really mean it. She just wants to keep me around for when she needs me. _He let out a deep sigh in frustration. In a last minute decision, he swerved off the road into the parking lot of a liquor store, and bought a fifth of bourbon. He needed a quiet place to think and be alone. The only place that came to mind was the cemetery where he'd buried his only friend Alaric. He sat on the stone bench near his headstone and pulled the cap off of the bottle, raising it in a toast. "Here's to you Ric. God I wish you were here to knock some sense into me. I'm sure you'd tell me to stay away from her. Sorry I didn't listen to you. I guess I never learn." He drank himself into oblivion so he wouldn't have to think or feel anything. His heart just couldn't take anymore abuse right now.


	3. Chapter 3

He woke up in his bed in the old Salvatore estate. He looked around the room confused. Everything was exactly as he remembered like he'd never left. It was 1864. _What the Hell? Was that all just a horrible dream? _He could hear the sounds of the servants rustling about the mansion doing their daily tasks. There was a knock at the door.

A servant peeked through the door whispering, "Master Damon, breakfast is served. You gonna need all the strength yous can on this fine day." Damon recognized the older woman as Nettie, one of their long time servants. She walked over to the curtains and opened them so the light shone in on his eyes. The light was intensifying the piercing pain in his head from the alcohol he'd had the night before. "C'mon now, we don't wanna be late. Get up now child. I's got your uniform all pressed and hangin' in the closet for ya."

Confused, he said, "Um, I already told father I was not going back to the army. I will find something else to wear." He lifted the blankets up to see if he had pants on before he crawled out of bed. _God, I hurt everywhere. What the Hell did I do last night?_

"O Lord Master Damon, your brother did a number on you last night."

"Yeah, I guess so. Tell father I will be down in a minute."

"Yessir", she said as she excused herself.

_So Stefan did a number on me huh? Getting hammered wasn't really his style. I wonder what got into him? _He poured some water into the basin and splashed his face to wake up. Looking in the mirror, examinging his haggered face, he said, "Uh, I look like Hell, I feel like Hell. Wow this human thing kind of sucks." He chuckled to himself. He didn't have time for a bath before breakfast, so he ran some water over his hair and combed it straight back. He put on something acceptable and ventured downstairs to meet his father's reproach for his disheveled appearance.

The breakfast table was full this morning with out of town relatives he hadn't seen in quite some time. He had no idea what they were all doing here. Guiseppe gave Damon an admonitioning look, but tried to conceal his disappointment from their company. "Well, now that my son has decided to join us, we can get started."

Damon looked confused as he sat down quietly next to his brother. Katherine was seated on the other side of Stefan and gave him a smirk at Damon's appearance. _Nice. Rub your relationship in my face some more. Bitch._

Stefan leaned over and whispered to Damon, "What is the matter brother, head pounding? I do not think I have ever seen you not hold your liquor."

Damon's tongue felt like it was covered in moss. He glared at Stefan and whispered back. "What the Hell happened last night?"

Stefan's smirk grew bigger. "You do not remember do you?"

Sarcastically, Damon said, "No, all I remember is waking up to this bizarre dream."

Stefan slapped him on the back, "Well let us just say your last night as a free man was well spent." Katherine covered her mouth to hide her laughter.

"My last night...? What are you talking...?"

Just then, Guiseppe raised a glass to his guests in a toast. "Here is to my sons. To Stefan and his lovely wife, who are about to carry on the family name."

Damon looked over at Katherine, noticing her extended stomach for the first time. _What?! She can't be pregnant. She's a vampire! _

"And to Damon, who in a few short hours, will be making his first steps down the same path."

_S__ame path? Ok, someone needs to tell me what the Hell is going on._

When breakfast was finished, Damon stood with the others to leave the table. Just as he was about to ask Stefan what their father was talking about, relative after relative, whose names he could barely recall, came up to him, shaking his hand in congratulations. _Congratulations for what?_ He had to play along so as not to embarrass himself any further, but as soon as he could get away, he would corner his brother for the answer.

His father came up to him to excuse him from their relative's bombardment. "I think it is time my son here gets upstairs to get ready. Damon you should go clean up. It is impolite to keep Elena waiting."

_Elena!? Wasn't she just a dream? Waiting for what?_ Instead of asking, he smiled at his father and said, "Of course father. I will wash up and be down shortly." Damon scanned the foyer for his brother, but he was nowhere to be found. He pulled a servant aside. "Dex, please tell my brother I need to speak to him right away in my room."

"Yes, Master Damon."

Damon soaked in the tub Nettie had drawn for him. He'd always loved long baths, but today he would've prefered a shower. Man he had a kick ass shower in that dream of his. _Wait they don't even make showers in 1864! How do I know about them?_ He toweled off from his bath and began getting dressed. His father insisted he wear his army uniform despite Damon's refusal to return. He sighed. _I guess I don't have much of a choice. _He heard a knock at the door. He turned to see who it was just as Stefan stepped in the room.

"You wanted to see me brother? What is the matter cold feet?"

"Look, I get it. I tied a really good one on last night, but this is not funny any more. I need you to tell me what the Hell is going on."

Stefan laughed at his brother's joke, but then turned serious, as he began to realize he wasn't joking. "You really do not remember?"

"No! That is what I have been trying to tell you!"

"Did you hit your head last night or something?" Damon looked at him blankly. "You are getting married today remember? Elena?"

It hit him like a freight train. _Married!? Elena? Did I somehow incorporate my fiance, brother and sister-in-law in some drunken, twisted dream last night? _He tried to cover his confusion. "Elena...right. Sorry brother, I really must have blacked out last night. Bachelor party right?"

Stefan relaxed, "Yes! It was quite a party. The _ladies_ at the tavern were sure showing you how much they are going to miss you. We had to pour you into bed last night."

_So I got drunk AND lucky last night. Great! I don't remember any of it. Elena. At least I remember her._ _So she was mine all along, not Stefan's? _A huge smile creeped across his face that she was about to be his wife. "Can I ask you something?"

Stefan replied, "Sure."

"I know this is going to sound strange, but did we ever fight over Katherine's affections?"

Stefan laughed. "No, of course not. You were with Elena well before Katherine came along. You know you are lucky she stuck around all this time."

Damon looked at his brother puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"Well it took you long enough to propose. You are lucky she is madly in love with you, or someone else might have snatched her up. Why did you wait so long anyway?"

Damon wished he had an answer for that. It seemed odd to him that he'd wait to propose to an eager Elena. _She's madly in love with me? Fuck I could've lost her. What was I thinking?_ Damon struggled to answer his brother's question. "I...I...have no idea why. Just stupid I guess."

Stefan clapped his brother on the back. "Well better late than never. Come on brother, let us not keep her waiting any longer." Stefan opened the bedroom door, stepping aside to allow Damon to exit first.

The ceremony was in the gardens of the Salvatore estate. Chairs were lined up in rows leading to a floral covered archway. Most of the guests had already taken their seats, when Damon and Stefan made their way towards the minister. In the front row sat his father, some relatives from breakfast, Mayor Lockwood and his wife, Katherine, and Bonnie. _Bonnie? How is that possible?_ Just as he looked again, he saw it was Emily Bennett not Bonnie. _Weird._ The violinists began playing, signifying the entrance of the bride. Damon turned from his conversation with Stefan to see Elena being escorted down the isle by Jonathan Gilbert. In tow, holding her train, was a blonde girl who looked like..._Caroline?_ Damon blinked again and saw it was someone he didn't recognize. It must be a friend of Elena's. The sight of Elena in her gown took his breath away. Her hair was partially done up with cascading curls down the back and along her face. The krenoline of her pure white dress flowed behind her. The top of her dress laid at the very edge of her shoulders, accentuating her breasts, as her corset pushed them up. The bodice of her dress was laced with pearls. He could feel his heart racing, as she approached with a huge smile on her face.

Jonathan brought her to Damon's side, kissing her lightly on the cheek before taking his seat. Damon couldn't help but stare in awe at her. She shly looked down, as she grabbed the hand he offered her. The ceremony was a blur after that. He was caught up in disbelief that he and Elena were actually marrying. Damon snapped out of his revere when the minister asked him if he promised to love and protect Elena until they are parted by death. Without hesitation, he responded, "I will."

He gazed at Elena, as she looked lovingly into his blue eyes and repeated, "I will," promising to love and honor Damon until they are parted by death. Holding her hands, he leaned in and kissed her sweetly. Their guests applauded as Damon escorted Elena out on his arm and into the estate for the reception.

All throughout dinner and most of the night, it seemed they were either being toasted or whisked away from each other by their guests. They hadn't had a moment alone. _I guess we'll have to wait until tonight to be alone._ _Have we made love before? Damn, I wish I could remember. _The thought of what was to come later when they were finally alone aroused him. He had to keep shaking the thought out of his head. He couldn't very well walk around all night with an erection. The orchestra leader announced them to the dance floor for their first dance. _Finally, a moment together. _Damon took Elena's hand and lead her to the dance floor for a traditional waltz. Both were all smiles, as the music played, and they began to dance hand in hand. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. The intensity of his stare embarrassed Elena.

"Stop staring. You are making me blush."

"Sorry, I can not help it, you are stunning. I can not believe how lucky I am."

She teased, "I was just thinking the same thing." He laughed while her smile got bigger. Her eyes sparkled at him with love.

It wasn't long before the dance floor was filled with other couples, and they were being swept away from each other again by other dance partners. That's pretty much how the rest of the night went. At one point, Damon looked around the dance floor and spotted Elena dancing with Stefan. They were laughing in a flirtatious way that made Damon seeth with jealousy. Just as he was about to cut in, Katherine intercepted him. She flirted, "I have not had a chance to dance with the handsome groom."

Damon hesitated to take her hand to dance. He looked at her pregnant stomach and shook away the thought that something sinister was going on. He put on a fake smile, "Of course. I would love to dance with my brother's wife." _Why does this feel so wrong? Elena is dancing with Stefan and I'm dancing with Katherine. Stop it. It was just a dream._

Around midnight, all that remained were a few guests and family. Damon and Elena said their thank yous and excused themselves to their room. Before they entered, he picked Elena up to carry her through the door, as was tradition for the newly married. Both had broad smiles on their faces and giggled, as he swung them around once before setting her down in front of him. Her body slid against his, as her feet hit the floor, while he never released her from his embrace. They kissed softly for a moment. When their lips parted, he brushed a curl away from her face then gently rubbed her cheek with his thumb. He looked in her eyes. "Are you happy?"

She said without reservation, "Completely."

"I am sorry we did not marry sooner. I do not know why I hesitated."

She gave him a knowing look. "I do."

He looked at her questioningly. "You did not believe I loved you. For some reason you had it in your head that I loved your brother."

Suspicious, he asked, "Why did I think that?"

"I have no idea what goes on in that head of yours. I guess it is because Stefan and I have always gotten along and teased each other."

Uncertain, he asked, "Teased?"

"Yes, you know chiding each other. It was not until he married Katherine that you finally started to relax. Before, I really do not think you believed what I felt for you."

He smiled tightly, "I am sorry. I should have trusted you."

"It is fine now. You have eternity to make it up to me."

_Eternity? Doesn't she mean a lifetime? _He shook off her odd phrasing and leaned in to kiss her, at first sweetly then more passionately. He was more than ready to take his new bride. His kisses ran from her lips to her chin, working his way down her neck. She titled her head back with the pleasure. When he reached the tops of her exposed breasts, she gently pulled his head up with a teasing smile. She turned around and motioned for him to undo her dress and corset. He slowly untied the back, placing light kisses along her spine as he went. He could feel her breathing increase in desire with each small kiss. As if he wasn't aroused enough, the sight of her bare back made him throb more. He slowly peeled her dress away from her shoulders. As it dropped to the floor, she turned towards him, covering her breasts to tease him further.

Now it was his breathing that increased at the sight of her. He pulled his jacket off and threw it aside then pulled her to him for a passionate kiss. She let go of her breasts to pull his suspenders down and his shirt out from his trousers, and then she procedeed to work her way to open each button, so his bare chest was flush with hers. The feel of her nipples against his skin sent electricity threw him. Her skin was so soft and warm. His hands ran along the small of her back, pulling her into him, as they continued to ravage each other with kisses. He guided her to the bed then sweetly laid her out on it, hovering over her as they continued to kiss. She could feel his hardness against her pelvis, as he continued to kiss down her chest, gently running his fingers over her breast. Her chest rose and fell rapidly from the excitement of his touch. She raked her fingers along his chest wontonly, resting her fingers inside the waist of his trousers. He pulled himself back from her far enough to remove his pants, exposing his very alert member. She looked away shyly, as if she'd never seen him naked before. He gave her a curious unsure look, wondering if this was their first time. Her body shivered with delight, as his exposed cock brushed against her bare stomach.

He gently took her face by the chin and moved her averted eyes to meet his. He was captivated by her big brown orbs that seemingly could see into his soul. He searched them for an answer to guide him in his actions. She smiled innocently at him, with eyes sparkling in adoration, before she leaned up to kiss him. His hand craddled her face lovingly as they kissed. When his hand left her face, it slid slowly, delicately down the side of her breast to the small of her back where he pulled her pelvis firmly against his, so she could feel his length. The heat and wetness that met his touch made him throb even more. He was surprised to feel her hand run down his chest to his more than ready erection, positioning him to take her. His lips parted hers briefly, smiling at her in surprise. When he looked at her eyes this time, he saw the lustful look he remembered from his dream.

She ran her fingers through his hair, bringing his lips once again to hers. He pressed the full length of himself inside her slowly, steadily, and felt her body arch into his, a pleasurable moan stiffled by their joined lips. He rythmically pumped himself inside her, getting lost in the pleasure of their connection. _Uh, she feels so incredible. This can not be our first time. _As they went on enjoying the feel of each other, his pace began to increase until they simultaneously reached a state of complete euphoria. They enjoyed sweet gentle kisses and caresses, as their breathing returned to normal. He rolled himself off of her, pulling her close to rest her head on his chest. He stroked her hair and caressed her skin lovingly. For a time, they reveled in the silence, getting lost in each others touch.

Damon broke the silence first. "I love you more than anything in this world. You know that, do you not?"

She smiled up at him blissfully. "Hmmm, yes, I do."

Curious, he asked, "So how is it that you fell in love with me and not my brother?"

She looked at him with a sparkle in her eyes. "'From the moment we met, it was always you that I wanted."

He looked at her unsure. "Stefan is a fine enough man, but he is not genuine like you. He puts on an air of sincerity to impress. Sure he can be delightful and charming, but I can tell that it is only to get what he wants. And he seems to take pleasure in competing with you. Those are not qualities I care for in a man. You, on the other hand, have always been sweet and kind. Your care and concern for the welfare and happiness of others even above your own, comes naturally. There was no way I could not fall in love with you.",

He smiled with pure joy, as he saw her love for him reflecting in her eyes. "You are so different. The women I want usually fall for Stefan and never think twice about me."

She scooted up to be closer to his lips. She whispered, "Then they are blind. It was always you Damon. You just need to allow yourself to believe you deserve it. I will love you for eternity."

_Eternity. There's that word again. _"You mean for a lifetime, do you not?"

She shook her head slightly. "No, I mean eternity. Regardless of what happens to us, you will always have me heart and soul." She kissed him softly before resting her head on his chest to sleep.

_Why can't I just believe it? Because this isn't real. _He jolted awake. Looking around confused, it took him a moment to realize where he was. He had passed out in the cemetery, where he had apparently fallen off of the stone bench, and now laid on the ground. He breathed out disappointed. "I knew that had to be a dream. I was too happy." He sat up, long enough to take another huge chug from the bottle, before he laid his head back down, hoping to return to his beautiful dream.


	4. Chapter 4

It was 7:00am by the time Damon staggered thru the door of the boarding house looking all disheveled and still a little drunk. He headed towards the stairs when he heard a voice behind him.

"Where the Hell have you been?"

"Sorry I didn't call _dad_ but I was having a drink with my buddy Ric. Didn't know I needed your permission." He started walking further up the stairs with slow, pronounced footsteps.

Stefan gave him an admonishing look. He asked, "Care to tell me what happened with Elena that got her so upset and sent you into a drunken stupor?"

Continuing up the stairs, Damon shouted back without looking at him, "Nope."

"Damon she's my girlfriend I have a right to know what's going on."

_Sure rub it in some more. _Damon turned back and walked down the steps towards him. He said, "Then you should ask _her_. Aren't you two in an 'epic' relationship?" He turned to walk away but Stefan grabbed his arm in desperation stopping him.

"She won't talk to me Damon. I'm going crazy trying to figure out what's wrong. All I know is she's distancing herself from me ever since you started teaching her to feed even more so after this last time. Did something go wrong? Did she kill someone?"

Damon paused for a moment contemplating what to say. A part of him truly felt guilty for hurting his brother this way but another part of him was so angry at him for allowing Elena to drown that his anger cancelled out his guilt. Stefan didn't deserve her. If he truly loved her he would've done anything to save her no matter what she said. But no he was always too worried about being the bad guy. Besides no matter how many years had passed it still hurt that Stefan got involved with Katherine knowing how he felt about her. Where was Stefan's consideration and guilt for him? Instead he sighed in frustration and said, "No one died. Things just got a little...out of control. She'll get over it and everything will be fine I'm sure."

Stefan's anxiety noticeably eased. "Thanks brother. Her behavior has just been so eradic since she's turned that I barely recognize her anymore. She's just not that same girl I fell in love with."

Damon's eyes narrowed in annoyance. "Of course she's not. That Elena died when you failed to save her from drowning. If you're disappointed with what she's become you have yourself to thank for that." _What the Hell did he expect to happen? Moron! _

Stefan shot back, "Are you ever going to let that go? I made a mistake alright."

Damon scoffed, "A mistake? No, a _mistake_ is 'I forgot to pick her up from the bridge' not 'She told me not to save her so I didn't.' No you don't get a free pass from me on that one." Stefan lowered his head nodding in guilt. Damon sighed heavily. He hadn't meant to go off on him. He said, "I'm sure if you show her a little more understanding she'll come around." Then he turned and continued on up the stairs to his room.

He shut the door behind him leaning back against it for a moment thinking. After everything Stefan did to him with Katherine they were technically now even but he didn't sleep with Elena as a payback to Stefan for some long ago grudge. He really did love his brother and they'd worked hard to get their relationship back on track. In fact that night their relationship had been the strongest ever since they turned. But Stefan was an idealistic idiot who never listened to him. Damon warned him that he'd be the one to get her killed and he'd been right. Despite how furious he was at him for letting her die hurting him this way was never something he meant to do. No, he slept with Elena because he loved her to the point it hurt and when he thought he'd lost her forever that night Ric died in his arms, he felt as though his heart had been ripped from his chest. He couldn't imagine a world without her in it. He'd gotten lucky. A twist of fate had given him a second chance at loving her and he wasn't going to waste it because she didn't love him back. For her sake he'd swallowed his feelings and resumed the role of her friend. No matter how much it pained him to be near her he wanted to be there for her to help her thru her transition with whatever she needed. And what she had needed was for him to teach her how to feed. He tried to do just that but her emotions and behavior were bouncing all over and he'd simply lost control of his feelings. He could never let this happen again.

He walked over to his bed and opened the drawer to his night stand revealing a pint of bourbon. He didn't bother with a glass. Instead he pulled the cap off, threw it across the room and plopped himself on his bed drinking until he passed out again._ It's not fair to anyone, never again._

Hours later he'd woken up unaware of how much time had passed. All he knew was he had a horrible taste him his mouth, a coated tongue and a headache. He carefully opened his eyes when he swore he heard something. Lying in bed next to him, watching him as he slept was Elena. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands and said out loud, "I really have to stop drinking so much. I'm hallucinating again." He felt her shift beside him.

"You're not hallucinating Damon."

He looked over at her with a glare then groaned. "Oh, why are you here?"

She felt a sting of hurt at his question. "Thanks."

He looked at her, "Elena, I didn't mean..."

She said, "Please Damon, I...I wanted to finish talking."

"We already talked."

She said firmly, "No we didn't get to finish."

He slowly sat up. "Look there's nothing else to say. It was a mistake, that's all. Let's just forget about it and move on. You really should go before Stefan comes in and thinks there is something going on."

She sat up in bed too scooting closer to him. "First Stefan isn't even here. And second there_ is _something going on."

He sighed and said, "Elena go." She placed her hand on his arm immediately giving him goosebumps. He looked down at her hand and frowned trying to keep himself from grabbing her and kissing her. He said, "Fine. Then I'll leave."

He got up and stumbled to the bathroom, opened the shower door and turned the water on to heat up. Elena followed him in the bathroom determined to continue their talk. He went over to the sink to splash some water on his face.

"Damon I know you think that I'm lying to you about how I feel and that I'm toying with you to keep you on the line but I'm not."

Both of his hands were resting on the countertop and he was leaning his weight forward on them. "Elena I'm not mad ok. It's not your fault. It's mine. Your feelings are all over the place right and you don't know what you're doing. You're just confusing your gratefulness for my help with love. It's Stefan that you want not me. This is my fault because I've been a vampire longer and I should've been able to control myself but I didn't. I'm not mad about it. I just want to forget about it and move on." He grabbed a towel off of the shelf, walked over to the shower and peeled off his shirt and pants. There was no point in waiting for her to leave to strip since she'd not only seen it all but felt it all before. He just needed to get away and drown her out of his head and heart. Before he got in he said gently, "Now please just go. I promise I'll still be here if you need me, just not like that. I just can't."

He stepped in the shower enjoying the feel of the warm water wash over his face and body. The shower door was covered in steam and his eyes were closed but he felt the cold rush of air as the shower door opened and Elena stepped in. He looked down at her naked figure standing next to him. She stood so close to him that her bare breasts almost touched his chest. His mind was saying _please don't do this to me_ but his body was saying _I want you to. _He managed to get out the start of a desperate plea thru a waivering, cracked voice, "Elena, don't..."

She grabbed his face and kissed him fiercely. For a few seconds he felt himself cave and kiss her back before his mind and his resolve to not repeat his mistake kicked in. He grabbed her firmly by her shoulders pulling her away from his lips. Anger rose in his voice as he shook her. "Stop it!" She looked at him desperately. "I love you!" His eyes bore into hers with anger.

"You love me? If you really love me then you'll stop putting me thru this. After everything don't I deserve better than that, doesn't Stefan?"

Tears started to form in her eyes as her rampant emotions overwhelmed her. "Yes, you do. I just want a chance to prove to you that my feelings are real. That's all I'm asking for."

He let go of her arms backing away from her as he regained his composure. "You want to prove it to me? This is _not_ the way to do it. Now please go before things get worse."

They stood there for a moment staring in each others' eyes both pleading for different things as the water continued to pour down on them. Finally she nodded her understanding choking back her tears then opened the shower door and stepped out. The door was still open so he could see her gather her clothes and put them on not bothering to dry off first. She gave him one last guilty look before she turned and walked out.

He closed the door and leaned both hands against the wall facing the shower head letting his head drop in pain while the warm water continued to beat down on him. _That was too close. We can't keep doing this. _

Elena stood outside his bedroom door a moment with her hand covering her mouth trying to stifle her sobs while huge tears rolled down her face. She didn't come over to try and seduce him again. She came over to explain her feelings. Her desperation at his unwillingness to listen to her plea lead her to do the very thing she hadn't want to do, manipulate him. She hated that part of her, that part that was so like Katherine. She took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. "He's right. I need to really show him,"


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry not much Damon interaction in this one but it was necessary to move forward. Hope you enjoy. I can't wait to hear what Elena says to Damon next week at the Founder's Day dance. :)**

_Dear Diary,_

_Things are not going well in my mission to convince Damon of my feelings. Each time I've attempted to show him that I'm serious about what I feel, I've ended up making it worse. I don't know what is wrong with me. I want to fix this, I NEED to fix this. I only went over there the other day with the intention of talking. Instead, I ended up throwing myself at him. He's right, that's not the way to prove my feelings for him, yet I can't help it. i can't seem to control myself. Every time I'm near him, I have this intense desire to touch him, but all that does is reaffirm his doubt in my sincerity. I can't even begin to prove to him how I feel until I end things with Stefan. _

_It's not that I'm not ready to end things, or that I'm confused about how I feel. It's just that I do still love him, even if I'm not IN love with him, and I don't want to hurt him. Telling him I'm in love with his brother will undoubtedly hurt him. But the truth is Damon isn't the only reason we need to break up. Things haven't been right since we got back together. We just don't connect like we used to, it feels...forced. I tried to feel the way I used to, I really did, but something was just missing. We can't even communicate like we used to. We hide from our problems and keep secrets from each other because we're too afraid the other will disapprove. We have to face the fact that neither of us are the same people we used to be. _

_While Stefan was gone, I spent so much time with Damon that it feels wrong not to be around him all the time, and no amount of time with Stefan seems to change that. It doesn't help that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't forget Denver, and what it felt like to kiss him, to feel his hands on me. It's not just that though, __I can be myself with Damon and not feel guilty about it. He accepts me whether I'm a human or a vampire. It's not that way with Stefan. Stefan wants me to be that human girl he fell in love with, but that girl died. Truth be told, I wasn't that same girl even before I died. I'd grown and gotten stronger in his absence. If I add all of these things up, they all point to it being over. And it's not fair to keep Stefan in limbo simply because I'm afraid to let go and hurt him, when I know my heart isn't with him anymore. I'm just not sure what to say to him. They say the truth will set you free, so I guess that's what I need to do, tell him the truth and hope for the best._

Elena took a deep breath and dialed the number, nervously pacing in her room. While the phone rang, she kept telling herself that it was good that she was doing this. The longer she waited, the more he would get hurt. She couldn't keep up this charade any longer. She didn't even want to try. Her feelings for Damon overwhelm her, and once you feel something like that, you can't pretend anymore that they don't matter. When Stefan answered, she said, "Stefan, hey." She could hear the happiness in his voice that she'd called, and it made her wince in guilt. This didn't exactly make her feel better for what she was about to tell him. He'd been trying to give her a little space the last few days to work out her issues, and to him, her calling was a sign that she was feeling better, that she was ready to pick up where they'd left off.

"Elena, I'm glad you called. I haven't heard from you in a few days. I tried calling, but I didn't hear back from you. I've been a little worried."

Hesitantly, she said, "Uh, yeah, I'm sorry I didn't mean to worry you. I just needed to be alone for awhile to do some thinking."

Concerned, he said, "Look, if there is anything you want to talk about, you know I'm always here to listen."

"Actually, I do need to talk to you, but I'd like to do it in person if that's ok. Are you going to be home for a while?"

He definitely wanted to see her, but given the tone in her voice, he was reluctant. He paused for a moment before saying, "Yeah, I'll be here. I wasn't planning on going anywhere today, so come by whenever you like."

"Great. I'll see you soon."

Stefan hung up the phone with a sense of foreboding about their talk. When someone you're involved with says they want to 'talk' that is never a good thing. Still, he knew as well as she did that it was long overdue. Maybe if both talked about what they were feeling, they could get past this.

When she pulled up to the house, she saw Damon's car in the driveway, so he was obviously home too. It would be harder to end things with Stefan given Damon was in the house to hear their every word, but she thought it might actually be a good thing if he heard what she had to say. Then maybe he would see just how serious she was about him. Still, she was embarassed about her behavior the other day. She had texted him later that night apologizing for her pushiness, never thinking she would've had to worry about being sexually aggressive with Damon Salvatore. But all he replied was, 'don't worry about it.' The thing is, she was worried about it. That's why she was there, to set things straight with Stefan, so she could focus on convincing Damon that she loved him. She couldn't let her resolve slip on this no matter what.

Elena was actually hoping Damon was in his room, so she wouldn't have to face him until after he'd heard her break up with Stefan. Unfortunately, he was sitting in the great room on the couch reading, drink in hand, when she walked in. She didn't see him at first, as she immediately headed towards the stairs.

He startled her when he called out. "Need something?"

She stopped dead, clutching her hand to her chest in surprise. "Oh my God Damon, you scared me. I didn't see you sitting there."

Without leaving his position, he looked at her smugly over his book. "Obviously. So, what are you doing here?"

She stammered. "Um...I...eh...I came to talk to Stefan. Is he here?" She knew damn well he was there, she had just spoken to him 15 minutes ago.

Damon's face was a mask of calmness, but underneath he felt the sting that she was here for Stefan. _Of course she is. What did you expect? _His eyes returned back to his book as he said flatly, "He's upstairs writing out his broody thoughts no doubt."

Elena stood there a moment, disappointed by Damon's cold demeanor. She knew it was her fault that he'd shut his feelings off, but understanding that didn't make it any easier to witness when she had seen the other side of him. She sighed, "Thanks."

Damon laid the open book against his chest after she left the room, listening, as she walked down the hallway towards Stefan's room._ I need to get the Hell out of here. There is no way I'm going to listen to them going at it. _It was bad enough he had to pretend like it didn't kill him that she was here for his brother. He definitely couldn't pretend to not hear them having sex. He tossed the book on the end table then picked up his drink to empty the glass. He walked over to the bar, took a full bottle of bourbon, grabbed his coat, and went out the door. Where he was going, he had no idea, but at the moment, anywhere was better than there.

Stefan's door was open, but Elena knocked on it anyway. She knew it wasn't necessary, since he could hear her footsteps coming from down the hall, and it wasn't like she hadn't been in his room a thousand times before. Still, she felt odd just walking in. There was this huge distance she felt between them that made her feel like a stranger entering for the first time. It was something she never would've guessed she ever felt with Stefan, but she did now. _Another sign I'm doing the right thing. _Stefan was sitting at his roll top desk, writing in his journal just as Damon had predicted. She had to chuckle to herself that he knew his brother so well.

Stefan looked up at her when he heard the knock. "Elena! Come in, you know you don't have to knock."

Elena felt herself hesitate before she entered, like an unannounced guest not wanting to startle a homeowner.

Stefan watched as she bypassed him, not stopping to give him a kiss like she usually would, as she went over and sat down on the end of the bed. He closed his journal and swiveled his chair around to face her. Both could feel the heavy tension in the air, and the obvious distance between them, not just due to their proximity from one another. Stefan started, "So how has the feeding been going?"

She never thought she'd view feeding as a casual conversation starter, but compared to the bomb she was about to drop, that's exactly how she viewed the question. "I feel less nervous about it when I know someone is there to pull me away if I lose control. But right now, I don't really have that option. Overall I guess it's slowly coming along." Nervously, she placed her hands under her legs, sitting on them, as she sheepishly dropped her gaze to the floor. She found she was having a difficult time looking him in the eyes.

Stefan said, "Yeah, I see Damon hasn't been taking you. You both seemed rather upset after the last time, so I take it you're in a fight about something. I asked him what happened but..."

Elena's face shot up with concern. She asked, "What did he tell you?"

Stefan firmed his lips together and shook his head. "He said things got out of control, and that if I wanted to know, I should ask you."

Her shoulders noticeably relaxed. She didn't think Damon would tell his brother that he'd slept with his girlfriend, but for a moment she thought Stefan knew the truth, and that wasn't something she had wanted him to find out. It wasn't her reputation she was worried about. It was the hurt it would cause him, something she should've thought about before she seduced Damon. Her actions hurt them both. She reminded herself, in that moment, she wasn't just following her libido, she was following her heart. Logic went out the window at that point, and she would deal with the consequences later. Well now was later. She took a deep breath, not sure where to begin. "Damon and I...we..." She saw the serious look on his face. She thought, _I can't do it. I can't tell him what really happened._ "He'd stayed in the shadows while I lured a jogger to feed on. It was the first time I did it all on my own, and I felt excited that I was gaining control. Afterwards, he took me home, and we went to my room so Jeremy didn't have to hear us talking about it. I went to thank him for his help, and I..." She could see Stefan tense up, waiting for what he knew she would say. "I..couldn't stop myself from...kissing him." _Everywhere, over and over and over, and that's not all. Kissing was the mildest thing we did. _

The look on Stefan's face was an impenetrable mask of pain. Elena's heart was in her throat, his silence was killing her. Desperately, she said, "Stefan, please say something."

He smiled at her manically, and she swore in that moment he changed into the Ripper right before her eyes. At first, Stefan's voice was calm. He said, "What do you expect me to say Elena, that it's ok you cheated on me, because it's not."

She said sympathetically, "No, Stefan I don't expect that at all. You have every right to hate me for it."

The anger grew in his voice the more he spoke. "You know I saw this coming ever since you fed from him. He knew what he was doing. He took advantage of your vulnerability, he manipulated you!"

Elena didn't want Damon to take the blame once again for something she initiated. "No, Stefan it wasn't Damon's fault. I was the one who pulled him in to kiss." _I also pulled him on top of me and peeled his clothes off. "_He tried to pull away, but I wouldn't let him I...I wanted him."

He stood and began pacing the room, rubbing the back of his neck to relieve the tension. His voice rose, firmly he said, "You're still in transition. You don't know what you want!"

Elena jumped back a little on the bed at the anger in his voice. She knew this would happen. She knew somehow Damon would get blamed, and she wasn't about to let that happen. Ever since she turned, Stefan had been treating her like a fragile child, and she was sick of it. "Stop it. Stop treating me like I'm not responsible for my own actions, like I'm incapable of knowing what I want right now because my feelings are heightened."

He approached her, looming over her with a snarl on his face. "You want him huh? I could see you wanting him before, when I was out of control, because I drove you to him, but now...? I just don't get it, I don't get why you would still want him after everything I've done to get myself back for us, so we could get back to what we had."

_Ouch that one hurt. _She got up and pushed past him to put some distance between them. She turned around, folding her arms across her chest. "That's the problem Stefan, we were foolish to think we could go back. I'm not that same girl you fell in love with. That girl died on the bridge, and the person I've become isn't someone you recognize. It's ok to admit that. And truthfully, you're not the same either. Think about it, all we've been doing since we got back together is dodging our problems, keeping secrets and fighting."

He sighed heavily, and Elena could see him starting to calm. "This is my fault. If I had saved you, you wouldn't have turned, and none of this would be happening."

She stepped closer to him, placing her hand on his arm, turning him to look at her. She said, "You don't know that for sure. These feelings I have for Damon were there before. I just kept fighting them to be with you. All turning did was show me that I can't do it anymore, my feelings for him are too strong."

He looked at her with sadness in his eyes. "I still love you. We can get past this."

Elena felt a lump in her throat. She felt awful that she couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear, but honestly she didn't want to get past it. She wanted to move on...with Damon. Gently, she said, "Stefan, I love you too. But it's time for us both to move on. I'll always be here if you need me."

He jerked his arm from her grip, his anger apparent just below the surface. He vehemently said, "Sure, if I need you I'll know where to find you...in Damon's bed." He walked over to the window and stared out.

Elena stood there a moment and shook her head. For a moment, she thought she'd gotten through to Stefan, and that they could end things amicably, but she realized now that it was selfish of her to think so. As she walked toward the door to leave, she said, "I'm sorry Stefan."

She walked down the hallway, holding her stomach, finally allowing herself to breathe normally again. It was hard for her to hurt Stefan that way, but it would've been worse had he found out the truth. Either way it needed to be done, and now he could start to heal, giving him a chance to move on with his life. Elena felt a huge weight lifted from her shoulders. _This should prove to Damon that I meant what I said._ With exuberance, she made her way down the stairs to find Damon, hoping he had heard her speech. She walked in the great room expecting to see him smiling, but instead all she found was his book on the table and an empty glass. She looked around the entire first floor and the basement for him, but he wasn't there. She made her way back upstaris to his bedroom to find it empty as well. She looked out the front to see his car was no longer in the driveway. _He left. Did he even hear any of it? _She pulled out her cell phone and dialed his number, but only got his voicemail. She decided to text him.

Sent: Where are you?

Reply: Out.

Sent: No kidding. I need to talk to you.

Elena waited for a reply, but one never came. _That was the wrong thing to say. Now he's avoiding me. I'm sure Stefan will tell him we've split up then maybe he'll be willing to talk to me._ She put her phone back in her pocket and went home.

Damon had decided to go to Alaric's loft to get away from the happy couple. Ric's rent had been paid for the year, so Damon hung out there from time to time to escape his brother and Elena. He even considered moving in, but he couldn't give up his lavish bathroom. He was sitting on the couch, with his legs propped on the coffee table, while he chugged back his 5th of bourbon straight from the bottle. The TV was on, but he wasn't paying attention to it. He just kept flipping channels mindlessly. He looked at the caller ID when his phone rang and pushed 'ignore' when he saw it was Elena. A few minutes later, he got her text. He wasn't in the mood to talk to her, but he would feel terrible if he ignored her and something was really wrong. He read her first message and gave a simple reply. When he read the next message, he said to himself, "Sorry, I'm all talked out."


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, Damon walked through the door of the boarding house with the usual sense of dread he'd been feeling since Elena had chosen Stefan. Every time he'd stayed out over night, he'd returned expecting to see Elena trotting down the stairs hand in hand with Stefan with a look of bliss spread across her face. In truth it had yet to ever happen. Still he couldn't fight the feeling no matter how many times he tried to turn it off or tell himself it didn't matter. Today was no different.

He had prepared a reaction, keeping a blasé look on his face, and making one of his usual snarky comments. However, after what had happened between them, the dread was now 10 times worse than before, and he was no longer certain he would be able to pull it off. He took a deep breath in anticipation, stopping to listen for their voices, but the house was silent. He let out his breath in relief. _Survived another one._

He'd left the house in a hurry yesterday, not expecting to be gone all night, he didn't think to take any blood bags with him for the road. He'd gone out last night and found a nice blonde to drink from, but this morning he wasn't in the mood to play charming even long enough to lure his prey. He pulled his jacket off, placing it on the coat rack, and descended the stairs to the basement to grab some breakfast from the freezer. As soon as he reached the bottom of the steps, he saw a trail of empty blood bags strewn about the floor. "What the Hell?" He checked around the basement including the holding cell, but no one was there. He bounded upstairs to the main level calling out, "Stefan? Elena?" When there was no response, he flew up to Stefan's room to check on him. The trail of blood bags certainly wasn't from Elena, given she hadn't been able to keep it down, so the obvious culprit was Stefan. Stefan on a bender was never a good thing. It meant many people would die unless someone could get him back under control. Right now that someone appeared to be Damon, but he was going to need some help with this one. He took a deep breath and dialed Elena's number.

Elena was at home, busying herself with daily chores in an attempt to forget, for just a little while, that she'd broken both the Salvatore's hearts by denying her feelings for far too long and misleading them. Her contact with Damon was pretty limited at the moment, so when she saw his name on the call ID, she felt a nervous excitement well in her that he had initiated the call. She presumed Stefan must have told him they'd broken up, and he was calling to talk. She answered the phone cheerily, "Hey! I'm glad you called. I wanted to…"

Damon cut her off mid-sentence, his voice was thick with concern. "Is Stefan with you?"

She frowned at first at his abruptness, but it was suddenly replaced by confusion. "Uh no, why would Stefan be with me? Damon didn't he tell you we broke up last night?"

There was a long pause on the other end before Damon spoke. He wasn't expecting to hear her say that, but now it all made sense. "Oooh, well that explains it."

"What are you talking about? What's going on with Stefan?"

"I think he's binge drinking. I came home this morning and found a trail of blood bags all over the basement floor." Damon was pacing, as he was talking to Elena, trying to figure out where Stefan might go first. His mind didn't seem to be functioning like it should at the moment because he kept drawing a blank. _I really need to eat something._

"Oh my God, Damon we need to find him before he kills someone." Elena could feel the panic rising in her. She didn't want to imagine how much worse it could've been if she'd told him the truth about her night with Damon.

Damon was grabbing his coat, heading towards the door to his car, just as she was finishing her sentence. "I'm on it. I'll call you when I know more."

She desperately wanted to go with him, not just because she was worried about Stefan, and she was, but because she was worried about Damon as well. He should not have to do this alone. He should not have to pull his brother back from the edge over a girl he was in love with himself. This was all happening because of the choices she made, and it was her responsibility to fix the mess she had caused. Before he could hang up, she managed to get in, "No, wait. Damon I'm the one to blame here. I'm coming with you."

"Sorry, no time to stop." Damon opened the door, and his mouth immediately dropped open at the sight of Stefan standing in front of him, looking smug. The phone was still to Damon's ear, but what Elena was saying wasn't even registering. "I'll….call…you back," he dragged out before hanging up on Elena's protests. "_Brother_. Where have you been?"

Stefan smirked, ominously looking him in the eyes as he brushed past him. "I could ask you the same thing _brother_."

Damon turned around, shut the door, and then followed Stefan into the great room, where he was surprised to see Stefan had immediately gone to the bar to pour himself a drink. It wasn't that Stefan didn't drink, but he didn't drink as often or as much as Damon, instead he just fed more frequently on animals. "Yes, well I'm not the one who ripped through half a dozen bags of blood like an animal. So where were you?"

Stefan slammed back a full glass of whiskey then refilled it. He walked over to the couch and plopped himself down cheerily, facing Damon who was still standing, staring suspiciously at him, waiting for a response. "I went hunting. I was hungry."

Damon walked slowly over to the couch across from Stefan's and sat on the arm rest, folding his arms over his chest, trying to gauge Stefan's seemingly controlled demeanor. Stefan wasn't able to handle even a drop of human blood without losing control, so after six bags of blood, he should be coming apart by now. Unless, of course, he got his fill killing the real thing. His cold, calculated behavior was alarming to Damon. "Given the amount of blood bags you drained, I would think you'd be more than full. So tell me Stef what exactly did you eat, or should I say _who_ did you eat?"

Stefan shrugged his shoulders, giving Damon a wicked smirk, looking him straight in the eyes. "You know the usual a deer, a few rabbits. The blood bags just didn't do it for me. I needed something _warm-blooded_ to drink from the vein. Blood always tastes better from the vein. Isn't that what you always say?"

Elena had told Damon about their break up. He knew this is what drove Stefan to fall off the wagon, but why he was brushing it off like he wasn't a vampire with bloodlust issues, is what he found disturbing. Damon knew his brother well enough to know how he behaves when he's off the wagon, and this was not his typical behavior. He glowered and frowned at Stefan's vagueness. "Cut the crap Stefan. What the Hell is going on with you?"

Stefan threw back the rest of his whiskey then slammed the empty glass down on the coffee table. He appeared calm and collected on the outside, but underneath he was seething. He stared unflinchingly at Damon, and with obvious distain in his voice, he said, "Come on now _brother _are we really going to play this game? You were talking to Elena. You already know what happened, so why don't you stop pretending like you don't?"

Damon moved off of the arm rest to a sitting position on the couch, leaning forward, with his elbows resting on his knees, so he could look directly at Stefan as they spoke. "All Elena said was you broke up. I get it you're upset, but you going on a bender especially alone is dangerous. You should've called me. We could've gone back to that hick bar where we fed on the wait staff and had some fun as brothers." Damon wasn't suggesting this just to placate his own feelings of guilt. He did feel awful about what he'd allowed to happen with Elena, but more than anything, he truly wanted to be there to support his brother. Keeping him from going full Ripper was the least he could do after his lapse in judgment.

Stefan's eyes bore into him. "You want to be _brotherly_? Maybe you should've thought about that before you kissed Elena. We broke up because of _you, brother._"

Damon let out a heavy sigh of regret, looking down at his clasped hands, trying to find the right words to say. There really weren't any _right _words to say that could fix this. He had hoped it wouldn't come out, not for his own sake, but for Stefan's. Despite his actions, he hadn't intended on hurting him. He loved Elena more than anything, and in that moment he lost all sense of control. _Wait kiss?_ He chewed on his lower lip, confused for a moment, before answering. He tried to down play the situation, attempting to sooth the anger he could see was about to bubble over. "Stefan it was just a mistake. Elena was excited she could feed without killing someone, and…and we got caught up in the moment. There's no excuse, we screwed up. I'm sorry…"

The façade of calmness Stefan had been putting on finally cracked. "You're _sorry_? Well I guess that makes it all better then?"

"That's not what I'm saying."

"So what are you saying that it doesn't _mean_ anything because you got 'caught up in the moment?' Well it sure as Hell means something to me. And it obviously meant something to Elena because she broke up with me over it. You know the first time you kissed her, I got it. I didn't like it, but I got it. I'd been acting like an ass, and you were there for her. But now…"

"Come on Stefan you know what it's like to transition. Your feelings are all over the place. Elena was excited and confused that's why she kissed me. It's not her fault."

"You're right it's not her fault. It's _yours._ We both know you're in love with her. You manipulated her into it."

Now Damon was getting pissed himself. "I didn't push her to do anything. She kissed me if you must know." Reacting in anger to Stefan's tongue lashing wasn't going to get them anywhere. He rubbed his fingers over his forehead, trying to relieve the tension in his head. "Look you have every right to be pissed, but what I'm trying to tell you is that it doesn't change anything. She still loves you, and…I'm sure you two will work it out like you always do."

Stefan stood up and walked over to stand right in front of Damon. He placed his hands on his hips and looked down at him with disgust. "Work it out? She doesn't want to work it out. She broke up with me because she's in love with _you_. She didn't tell you that?"

Damon had leaned back against the couch with his head in the straight forward position, but his eyes met Stefan's. If his gaze didn't tell him he already knew, his silence said it loud and clear.

Shaking his head, Stefan laughed maniacally in disbelief, as he stepped away from him. "Of course you knew. Been plotting this behind my back all along huh?"

Damon stood up to meet him, but Stefan had turned his back to him. Damon needed to get through to him before he got out of control and hurt someone. He tried to reason with him. "It wasn't like that, and you know it. The blood is messing with your mind. You're not thinking clearly right now. Let me help you."

"I don't need your help. It's not the blood, it's _you._ You want her? You can have her. I don't need either one of you." He stormed out of the room and flew up to his room at vamp speed, leaving Damon alone and more concerned than ever.

Elena was entering her room with a basket full of clean laundry to fold, when she stopped suddenly in the doorway at the sight of Damon sitting on her window bench. She felt her dead heart race as much as a vampire's heart can, and her breathing grew rapid with nervous excitement. She'd seen him briefly yesterday, but this was the first time he'd come to her since their night together. Sure she knew it was because of Stefan, but still for her, it was a start. "Hey." She could see his face held both uncertainty and worry.

"Hey." His voice had cracked a little when he spoke, forcing him to clear his throat before he continued. "Um so Stefan showed up right as I was walking out the door to go look for him." He bit his lip and shook his head. "He is _not_ in good shape."

Elena walked over to place the laundry basket on the edge of the bed. Nervously she crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly feeling like she didn't know what to do with herself in his presence. "So what happened? Did he hurt someone?"

"I'm not sure. He wouldn't tell me. He said he was out feeding because he wanted something _warm-blooded_. He acted all calm about it, but I could see his rage under the surface. He's pretending he has it under control, but he doesn't. I've seen that look before. What exactly did you tell him?"

She looked down at her feet, as she shifted back and forth in place. "I said it's not right what I've been doing to either of you. He needed to know the truth about how I feel, so I told him. I knew it was going to hurt him no matter what, so I didn't tell him _everything_ that happened between us, just how I felt about you, and that we kissed." She looked up at Damon bashfully with her chocolate brown eyes.

Damon nodded subtly then tried to make light of the situation. "Good idea. If you had, I'd be lying on the floor at the boarding house with a stake thru my heart. I can't say I wouldn't have deserved it."

She cracked a slight smirk. Half serious and half in jest, she replied, "I think I deserve it more." She walked over to where he was seated and sat down next to him on the bench. "I'm so sorry Damon. It's my fault this is all blowing up. If I would've just been honest and ended things a long time ago, I could've spared you both all this pain."

He looked at her regretfully. "I'm not exactly innocent Elena. I could've said no."

She placed her hand on his arm, causing him to shiver at her touch. The electricity between them was undeniable. "You shouldn't have had to. It was selfish of me to put you in that position. It's just…it's just that I'm in love with you, and the feeling overwhelmed me. I should've told you sooner."

Damon closed his eyes a moment at the bittersweet sound of her declaration of love. He whispered out a pained, "Elena…

She cut him off before he could finish what she expected to be a rejection. "Please don't say it Damon. I know things aren't right at the moment between us, but I _am_ trying to fix it, if you'll just give me a chance. I want you to know that I meant everything I said, all of it." Her hand rubbed back and forth gently over his forearm.

He swallowed hard then let out a heavy sigh, as he placed his hand over hers, unsure if he could handle touching her. They'd only spent one night together, but he missed the soft feel of her skin under his fingers. He felt guilty for desperately wanting to throw her on the bed and ravage her while his brother was falling victim to his bloodlust because of them. With every ounce of control he had, he said, "For now we should…focus on getting Stefan straightened out. We can figure out the rest later."


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Damon was pouring himself a glass of blood for breakfast when Stefan came plodding down the stairs. Damon raised the full glass to his lips, and just as he was about to take a sip, Stefan walked past him, grabbing the glass out of his hand, tossing the blood back in his mouth. Damon stood stock still, looking at Stefan, shocked at the audacity of his action. "Starting early with the binge drinking I see."

Stefan spread his arms out in front of him, one hand still holding the glass, and the other palm facing upwards as he shrugged his response. "What? Just grabbing some breakfast. Aren't you the one always saying animal blood makes me weak? I'm just following your advice in being all I can be. I mean you _are _the expert on feeding aren't you?"

Damon narrowed his eyes and raised his lip in a snarl at Stefan's snide comment. "Yeah, well, under the circumstances, given your fragile emotional state, I don't think now is the best time to try moderation."

Stefan approached Damon, putting him on guard when he stopped suddenly just mere inches from him. Smirking wickedly at him, Stefan said, "Don't worry about it brother. I told you I've got it under control. Besides don't you have a new vampire to worry about? I wouldn't want you spreading yourself too thin." He set the glass down firmly then clapped Damon hard on the shoulder before he walked out the door.

Damon was paranoid about what Stefan might do in his unstable state. He'd seen him go over the edge many times over the years. Sometimes he had a front row seat, and other times he'd witnessed it from a distance. But regardless of Damon's vantage point, the result was the same, Stefan left a trail of bodies in his wake. He'd promised Stefan, when he was recovering from his recent Ripper stint at Klaus' hands, that he'd help him learn moderation and pull him back from the edge every time he saw him getting too close to snapping, and Stefan had accepted his offer. However, that was before the recent events with Elena. Now they were back to square one in their relationship, and it was seriously doubtful Stefan would listen to a word Damon had to say in the matter. That left him with few alternatives. He needed to let Stefan calm down, so in the meantime, he would have to keep tabs on his actions from a distance. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and pushed the speed dial. "Liz, I have a favor to ask. Can you let me know if you start seeing an increase in missing person's or mutilated bodies."

Liz was taken aback by his somewhat strange request. Usually she came to Damon anyway when she had a body that turned up under questionable circumstances. It had become standard practice to try and keep things from the prying eyes of the council and the public. She was concerned why Damon would make a point to ask such a thing. What did he know that she didn't? "Why are you asking me this? What's going on?"

He stammered not wanting to alarm her too much but knowing he needed her help. "Um...let's just say I'm having some family problems, and I think Stefan might start _indulging_ himself in the locals."

The sheriff didn't know the full extent of Stefan's bloodlust issues, but she knew anytime a vampire '_indulged_', it meant the residents of Mystic Falls were in danger of becoming someone's dinner. "Is this something I need to be seriously worried about? Can't you keep Stefan in line?"

Damon sighed heavily. "I wish I could, but right now I'm not someone he's going to want to listen to and neither is Elena. For reasons I'd rather not discuss, he's not too happy with us at the moment. That's why I need you to let me know the minute you find something suspicious. We need to keep this from getting out of control. We don't need to give the council any more reasons to exterminate us."

"I'm all for preventing that war. I'll let you know if I see anything. I appreciate the heads up."

"Thanks." Damon hung up his phone and put it in his pocket. Since Stefan drank the blood Damon had poured for himself, he was still in need of breakfast. He went downstairs to the freezer to grab another bag. He looked over the supply, taking a mental note of how many bags remained. If he could keep an approximate count, it might give him a clue into just how 'in control' Stefan was with the blood. It hadn't been that long since his last Ripper stint under Klaus' orders, where he'd spent the summer ripping people apart across the east coast, and his recovery had been far too quick for Damon's liking. At first, Stefan tried his usual cold turkey method, which left him restless and irritable. Damon had tried to teach him moderation, but before he gave it a fair chance, he was back to his old bunny eating ways and letting Elena call the shots, which of course got her killed. It was all or nothing with his brother when it came to blood. It was that Jekyl-Hyde thing that made him so dangerous. This fall off the wagon was partly Damon's fault, and he needed to know how to help Stefan, before Stefan did something he'd spend the next 100 years regretting.

Damon took his drink upstairs with him to Stefan's room, to see if he could find some clue as to his state of mind. If there was one thing that was a constant in his brother's life, whether he was in saint mode or ripper mode, it was his loyalty to his journal. Damon walked around Stefan's room, examining random things he had strewn about. His brother was definitely a pack rat, but usually a neat pack rat. Based on how the room appeared to have been tossed, he'd guessed Stefan had taken some of his rage out on inanimate objects, which was at least better than the alternative. On the dresser, there was a picture frame positioned face down with a large shard of glass next to it. Picking it up, he saw the glass of the frame had been shattered away. It once contained a photo of Stefan and Elena smiling with arms wrapped around each other. Still in the frame was the picture of Stefan that appeared to have been methodically sliced in half down the middle, separating him from Elena. The severed portion, containing Elena's picture, had been sliced into tiny pieces and left in a pile on the desk. It was only a photo, but the implications were what Damon found disturbing. Stefan, blinded by bloodlust, was capable of anything. Now that Elena was a vampire, she could protect herself, and Damon would make sure he was there to back her up. There was little chance Stefan could harm her. No, Stefan would take his rage out on the weak, on humans.

Just as he set the frame back down, he turned around quickly on guard at the sudden noise from behind him. "Elena. What are you doing here?"

"After our conversation last night, I couldn't sleep. I was worried about Stefan..." She approached Damon slowly, unsure if her presence was welcome. "And I was worried about _you_."

He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head slightly, trying to blow off the need for concern. "I'm fine. I'm stronger than he is remember? Besides it's not like I haven't dealt with Ripper boy before."

She smiled slightly at him, less than convinced by his self assured attitude. She knew he wouldn't let her know the truth, at least not where they were in their relationship now. He'd put up some of his guard again with her since their night together, as a way to protect himself from getting hurt. "Yeah, I know. It's just...it's just I thought I'd come by to see if there was anything I could do to help."

Sounding a little harsher than he intended, he said, "I don't think Stefan seeing the two of us together especially in his bedroom is going to really help. I'd say he's not exactly in the mood to see you." He moved the frame over, pointing at her shredded photo.

Elena frowned at the pile, but she didn't let that deter her. "Maybe not, but I'm here, and I'm not leaving you to deal with this by yourself. We're in this together." Her resolve slightly slipping, she pleaded, "Please Damon, I need to do this."

His demeanor softened. He knew there was no stopping her, given her stubbornness, even if he had wanted to. The truth was, he didn't want to stop her. He missed being around her. "Ok." He sighed, heavily scanning the room, turning all business like. "See if you can help me find his journal. It might give us some clues about what he's up to." Damon walked over to the book shelf where Stefan kept all his past journals. "Check the desk over there. I'm going to look over here."

Elena walked over to the desk, opening and closing drawers, but not finding anything. "It's not here." She made her way over to one of the dressers and searched through the drawers. Still not finding anything, she moved on to the next one, the one the shredded photo was lying on.

Damon continued to scan the bookshelf, making sure he didn't overlook it. "I don't see it here either." He looked around, trying to think of other possibilities. He checked under the bed and between the mattresses, but turned up empty handed.

Elena moved on to an old cedar chest located in the corner of the room. She tossed through some _very_ old clothes and stumbled upon what they were searching for. "I think I found it." She was about to stand up and unwrapp the leather bound book, but Damon pulled it out of her hands before she could finish. She scowled at him in disbelief. "Hey, I was just about to open that."

He gave her a wry smile before walking over to the bed to sit down. "I'm just sparing you from the disparaging comments inside." He flipped open the book looking intently at the pages and stopped when he reached the current date.

Elena rolled her eyes shaking her head. He was always protecting her in one form or another. When they'd been on their road trip to Chicago to track down Stefan and Klaus, Damon made her read an excerpt from one of Stefan's journals, to prepare her for the Ripper version of Stefan she knew very little about. Elena moved closer to Damon, trying to read over the arm that blocked her view.

Damon flipped back a few pages to when Elena made her confession to Stefan. He assumed Stefan would rant about the betrayal of his girlfriend and brother. He wasn't sure how bad it would be, so he skimmed thru it first before reading to Elena. He knew she felt awful about what happened as it was, she didn't need to relive it. Besides, it wouldn't change the situation. Their goal was simply to do damage control and reign Stefan in before it was too late.

Elena walked over and sat down next to him on the bed, close enough to look over his shoulder. A chill ran up his spine at the warmth of her breath on his neck. He shook it off and read to her. '…_the rage is welling inside me_. _I feel like I'm losing control. __I find myself fantasizing about ripping into a pulsating artery to taste the sweet nectar of human blood__. I try to shake the thoughts but I wonder what's the point in fighting it?_' He stopped reading and looked at Elena with worry, and saw the same concern and guilt on her face. Damon closed the journal grimacing and thoughtlessly bemoaned his failed promise. "I shouldn't have let him stop me from leaving."

"Leaving? What are you talking about?" She felt her dead heart race with anxiety at the thought of Damon going away.

He turned his head quickly with the realization that he had mentioned leaving out loud. He explained, "The night Stefan and I were driving Klaus' body to be dumped in the ocean, we made a deal that whomever you didn't choose would leave town so the other could be happy. I should've left right away, but I wanted to be here for you through the transition."

"You couldn't have left Damon. I wouldn't have made it without you."

He rolled his upper lip down, slightly biting it, and shook his head in regret. "Sure you would've. My help just caused more problems between you and Stefan. After the fallout from me feeding you, I decided I should leave."

"Damon I was starving. You were just trying to help me survive. I can't believe you were just going to take off. You promised you would never leave me."

His heart ached at the reminder of his promise, and how he nearly broke it. It was a rare occasion that he reneged on a promise, but there were extenuating circumstances that pushed him down that path. Gently, he said, "I know I did, but things are different now. You had Stefan to look out for you, and I wouldn't have left until I knew Connor wasn't a threat anymore. It was for the best."

Elena's anxiety turned to angry frustration. "There you go with again '_for the best._' Best for who? Certainly not me because I needed you here."

"Well it doesn't matter anyway because Stefan wouldn't let me leave." He let out a derisive huff and lowered his head. "I'm sure he's regretting that right about now."

She placed her fingers under his chin and raised his head, so she could stare into those pale blue eyes she so frequently got lost in. "I'm not. You realize I would've hunted you down, right?"

He gave her a weak smirk. He couldn't help but tease her. "Knowing how hardheaded you are, I don't doubt that you would've." He brushed a piece of hair away from her face, wrapping it around her ear, before gently caressing her chin with his thumb. There was something special about her that made it hard for Damon to resist.

Elena licked her lips as her eyes focused on his. She raised her hand to the side of his chiseled face. Her eyes came up to meet his, hoping to see her declaration sink in. "That's because I can't be without you."

Their lips were mere inches apart, and their breathing increased with wanton lust for each other. Finally, Damon closed the distance and kissed her delicately. The kiss quickly escalated into a frenzy of passionate, tongue filled kisses with hands roaming through each other's hair. Within seconds, Elena was straddling Damon's lap while his hands slid up and down her back, underneath her shirt. She ground her aching pelvis down on his firm bulge, rubbing it back and forth with excitement. She started to push him back to lie on the bed, but Damon resisted. He reluctantly pulled her away from his lips. They were both panting heavily when he said, "We shouldn't be doing this." He saw the disappointment and confusion in her eyes at his seeming rejection. "Stefan could walk in any minute. It wouldn't exactly help things seeing us having sex on his bed."

Now she understood what he meant by '_we shouldn't be doing this._' He wasn't talking about what they were doing, but where they were doing it. He was merely thinking of the hurt it would cause and the resulting consequences. Neither of them wanted to hurt Stefan any more than they already had no matter how much they wanted each other. "Uh, yeah, I don't suppose that would be good." Not willing to give up she suggested, "We could move to _your_ room?" She smiled at him hopefully.

Damon cast Elena a sullen glance, shaking his head no. "If he came home, he could still hear us. And I don't want to do anything that's going to push him over the edge." He held her steady, as she slid off of his lap to stand up, feeling her disappointment. He wanted her as much as she wanted him, but truthfully, he was still unsure that her feelings for him were stable. He needed a little time before he could completely throw himself in.

As much as she hated it, she knew he was right. She may not be _in love_ with Stefan anymore, but she still cared about him. The last thing she wanted to do was put her love for Damon in his face. "I know you're right. It's just…I want to be with you."

He was silent for a moment, as he searched her eyes, seeing only the love she had for him there. He thought, _I want more than anything for this to be real._ "I need to make sure this is what you really want." She was about to profess her love again, but he stopped her, placing his index finger over her lips to stop the words from coming. "Remember we have eternity," he said with a slight smile, recalling what she'd said to him in his dream.

Later that evening, just outside of town, Stefan was stumbling out of a dive bar with his arm wrapped around a drunken woman's neck. Both were laughing at her attempt to steady a seemingly drunken man, as they walked to her car. When they reached the passenger side, he lost his balance and fell backwards against the door, pulling her with him. The woman giggled as she landed against his chest. She swayed side to side in his arms from the intoxication, completely enamored with the green eyed man. With slurred speech, she coyly teased, "I don't know what's gotten into me tonight. I've never taken a stranger home before. I'm usually so shy, but you just make me feel so at ease."

He gave her his best devilish smile as he flirted with her. "You look _so _tasty."

Bashfully, she glanced down at his chest then walked her fingers playfully up the center. "Mmm…you look tasty too."

"Then you won't mind if I indulge myself." He chuckled at his private joke, as he looked into her eyes, brushing her hair away from her neck to expose her jugular. In her drunken state, she would've been ease to compel even if he were still drinking animal blood. "You're not going to scream for help or try to run. You'll let me take as much as I like."

Her eyes were vacant from the compulsion, and her body stood perfectly still. Stefan repositioned his hand behind her neck, pulling it back, before sinking his fangs in. The blood was so warm and sweet as it flowed into his mouth. A euphoric feeling washed over him, completely erasing all the troubles in his mind. The high made everything around him seem surreal. He found himself biting deeper into her flesh, unable to pull away, until he heard the snap of her neck. He raised his head up with blood dripping down his mouth, still basking in the exquisite taste. A few moments later, he heard some men talking as they exited the bar, and it snapped him back to reality. He pulled the woman close to him, pretending to be making out, until he saw them get in their cars and drive away. It wasn't like him to care about covering his tracks when he was on a binge, but this time he decided it would be wise to keep his activities hidden. Picking up the keys that had fallen from her hand, he unlocked the car doors and stuffed her in the passenger side. Stefan climbed in the driver's side, secured his seatbelt, and sped off down the darkened road. When the car reached a high enough speed, he slammed it directly into a tree. Fortunately, the car was an older model that didn't contain airbags, so the force of the impact catapulted the woman's body through the windshield, out the front of the car. Stefan's head slammed against roof of the car causing a gash. However, the cut healed within seconds, as he crawled out of the car, and jogged back to the bar to collect his car and drive home.


	8. Chapter 8

Stefan pulled up to the boarding house in a daze, unsure of where he had come from or how he had gotten there. He turned the car off and pulled the key out of the ignition, and that's when he noticed the dried blood on his hand. Shakily, he brought his hand up in front of him to examine it, his mind still not sure if what he was seeing was real. He pulled his other hand off of the steering wheel, noticing it too contained dried blood. The familiar sweet metallic taste of human blood lingered on his tongue. A wave of panic set in at the realization. He snapped the car's visor down and flipped open the mirror to see the smeared blood on his lips and chin. Desperately, he tried to recall the events of the evening, but the buzzing in his head left him with only blank thoughts. One thing was obvious, he had attacked someone. His gaze shifted from the mirror to stare blankly ahead. "What have I done?"

Guilt and shame immediately tore at his conscience. Had he killed someone or just fed? He couldn't be certain. All he knew at this moment was that he'd lost control and done something terrible. He quickly scanned the driveway, noticing Damon's car was absent. Momentary relief washed over him that he was alone. He needed to get into the house and clean up before Damon returned. The last thing he wanted was Damon getting on him about spiraling out of control. It wasn't too late, just a minor set-back. He'd handled feeding before when Damon recently had pushed him to try moderation, and he had managed to regain control after his summer of binge drinking with Klaus. "Pull yourself together, this was just a slip up. You can do this." He pulled the sleeve of his jacket over his hand and wiped the blood away from the steering wheel, trying to cover his tracks. He took a deep calming breath, as he opened the car door, before vamp speeding up to his room.

Stefan stripped off his jacket, tossing it to the floor on his way to the bathroom. He frantically scrubbed the blood away from his hands and mouth, to the point that he could no longer tell if the redness that remained was from the blood or the friction of his scrubbing. He turned the water off, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Anger at the sight of himself caused him to seethe. His fangs protruded, his eyes turned red, and the veins underneath his skin pulsated. Rage swelled from deep inside, and he let out a yell before smashing the mirror with his fist. His hands gripped the sink tightly, as he shook it in frustration and disgust. "This is their fault! I can't…I won't let their betrayal destroy me." After a moment, his ragged breathing began to regulate, and he slowly regained control of his anger. He stripped his clothes off and stepped into the shower, without warming up the water first, allowing the cold water to help assuage the last remnants of his ire.

After what seemed like a half hour under the water, Stefan stepped out, dried off, and walked into his bedroom to put on some clean clothes. Half a bottle of whiskey sat on the nightstand next to his bed, along with a glass he'd used a few days ago after Elena broke up with him. Forgoing the glass entirely, he grabbed the bottle and chugged it back. The alcohol didn't seem to calm his frazzled nerves any better than the shower did, but at least it would help with his cravings. The taste of human blood still lingered on his tongue, making him hunger for more. He grabbed his journal from the cedar chest and took it to his desk along with the liquor. One constant in his life had been his journal entries. They'd catalogued some of the most disparaging moments in his life since he'd turned. He wrote,

_I have blood on my hands…again. I don't remember what happened exactly. I know I was at a bar outside of town. I needed to get away from Mystic Falls to clear my head. Then the next thing I know, I'm sitting in my car in the driveway covered in blood. I must have blacked out. It's been decades since that has happened. I thought I had this under control, but who was I kidding? I was barely holding on by a thread all for Elena. Elena. She knew she was the only reason I regained control. She knew she was what held my humanity together. How could she do this to me? And of course my brother…him and his selfishness has ruined my life yet again. I should never have trusted him with her. _

The rage began to overwhelm him once again. He looked at the bottle before violently throwing it against the wall. Glass fragments scattered across the room, and liquid splashed and slid down the wall. Moments later, he heard the front door open downstairs. Obviously Damon had returned. With his enhanced hearing, Stefan knew there was no way Damon hadn't heard the glass smashing even from outside. _Great, just great._ He knew his brother would be upon him in no time to investigate. Damon was the last person he cared to see right now. The beast within was clawing to get out and rip something apart. That's what human blood did to him. If Damon pushed him even a little, he couldn't guarantee his brother wouldn't end up with a stake through his heart.

It took less than a minute from the time Damon entered until he stood before Stefan in the doorway of his room. Damon scanned the room, immediately noticing the mess. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the reflective shimmer of the broken mirror coming from the bathroom. He walked over, peering in, and frowned at the sight. "Stefan? What the hell is going on in here?"

Nonchalantly, Stefan rocked back in his chair. "What are you talking about? Nothing happened. Everything's fine."

"Based on the amount of broken glass in here, I'd say everything's _not_ fine." Damon tilted his head, pointing towards the mess.

Stefan looked over at it, and then back at Damon, shrugging his shoulders. "Oh that. I was just having a drink, and the bottle slipped out of my hands." He gave him a fake smile that indicated he was clearly lying then he turned his attention back to his journal.

"And the mirror? You can't tell me that was a slip." Damon knew all too well about explosive fits of anger. He'd thrown many a bottle himself. Hell he even snapped a few necks in a fit of rage, including Jeremy's. But Stefan was much more dangerous when he lost control. Losing control for him meant giving in to his blood lust, and when that happened, he left a trail of body parts in his wake. First the blood bags, then the journal entries, and now this. It was not a good sign of things to come.

"What do you want from me Damon? You want me to say everything is ok, and I forgive you both? Well it's not, and I don't, so I'd say I'm entitled to break a few things."

"I don't give a damn about what you break. And you can be pissed at me all you want, it wouldn't be the first time. Come on, you can even take a swing at me if it will make you feel better. But what I don't want is for you to go off the deep end. I promised you I'd be there to pull you back anytime you got too close to the edge, and that's what I'm trying to do here, so stop being a dick, and let me help you."

Stefan stood up quickly, grabbing Damon by the shirt, and slammed him to the floor before Damon knew what happened. Looking down at him, he said, through gritted teeth, "You want to help? You and Elena can have each other, but leave me the hell alone."

The force of the slam was strong enough to knock the wind out of Damon, reinforcing his suspicions about his brother's recent drinking habits. Animal blood made Stefan weaker than human blood. Clearly, Stefan had recently indulged in human blood. The question was, how much and from where? Damon had been keeping track of the supply they had in the basement, and it hadn't been touched since the other day when he'd found the trail of discarded bags littering the floor. He struggled to regain his breath, as Stefan kicked him in the ribs one last time, before taking his journal and storming off. The searing pain Damon felt when three of his ribs cracked from the kick made him moan, and his arms reflexively clutched his sides in a hug. _Well, at least it wasn't a stake._

The following morning, Elena was standing at her locker, to drop off her coat and gather her books, before heading to class. She had just finished dialing the locker combination and opened the door, when she caught out of the corner of her eye, Caroline hurriedly approaching.

"Ugh, there you are. I've been looking all over for you. You're late," Caroline said with exasperation.

"Morning to you too Care."

"Did you happen to finish your history paper yet?"

Elena frowned, shaking her head. With everything that had happened between her and the Salvatores over the last few days, she hadn't even thought about her history paper. She cringed at the thought. "Damn, I completely forgot about it. When is it due again?"

"Um,_ tomorrow_. Obviously you're not done either."

"No, actually I haven't even started it. I guess I know what I'll be doing tonight. What's the topic again?" Elena continued to gather her books in her arms then shut the locker to face Caroline, who was scowling back at her.

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Seriously Elena?" When Elena shook her head and shrugged her shoulders, Caroline stomped her foot in frustration, tossing her free hand up exaggeratedly. "Remember, the Reconstruction Era post Civil War? I'm not sure what I want to focus on. I was going to ask Stefan for help, but he missed class yesterday, and I can't reach him on his cell. Where is he anyway? Did he go out of town or something?"

Elena looked down awkwardly, trying to avoid eye contact with Caroline. "I uh…I'm not sure." Caroline cocked her head to the side quizzically. Elena finally raised her gaze to meet Caroline's. "We broke up over the weekend."

Immediately, Caroline's demeanor changed to sympathy mode. "Oh Elena, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?"

"Um yeah…yeah I'm ok. But I'm kind of worried about Stefan. He didn't take it very well when I told him it was over."

"Wait, I'm sorry, I'm confused. _You _broke up with _him?_"

Elena nodded. "A lot of things have changed, and we've just grown apart."

Caroline's mouth dropped wide open aghast. "Elena, how could you break up with him? And why am I just now hearing about this?"

Elena let out a frustrated sigh, knowing full well the lecture she was facing from her friend. "Because I knew you'd react this way."

"Come on, I'm your best friend, maybe there was something I could have done to help. Look, I'll talk to him, straighten things out. Just tell me what happened."

"No, Care. It's over. I'm just not in love with him anymore."

Caroline whined, "_Nooo_, don't say that! Of course you're still in love with him. You spent all summer tracking him down, and you finally got him back. Don't give up now. You two are epic together."

It was Elena's turn to roll her eyes. Caroline had this annoying habit of referring to her relationship with Stefan as some epic love story, like they were living in a Disney fairy tale filled with 'rainbows and unicorns', as Damon would say. It wasn't as though Caroline didn't know about Stefan's dark side, and all the drama Elena had gone through with him because of it. Caroline just chose to ignore it. Stefan had helped her in the early days of her transition, so in Caroline's eyes, Stefan would never be anything other than her savior. Damon, on the other hand, would always be the scum of the Earth no matter how many times he'd saved her life. She would never see how much he had changed. "Caroline there's nothing you can do to change things. I've already told Stefan the truth about how I feel. I'm," she hesitated, "in love with Damon." The contorted look on Caroline's face was just the reaction Elena expected. _Let the berating begin._

"_What? _No, no, no, no, no! You can't possibly be in love with Damon. He's…he's _Damon!"_ Her hand shot up to her forehead, holding it like she suddenly had a horrible headache. "Oh…my…God. This can _not _be happening."

"Caroline…," Elena warned in irritation.

"Elena, I know you were attracted to his bad boy self when you were human, but it's not love. This is nothing more than the result of your heightened libido. That's all. Don't ruin what you and Stefan have over some narcissistic sociopath like Damon."

This was exactly the type of rant Elena had been trying to avoid. Caroline could be so annoying sometimes, Elena just wanted to scream. It wasn't just Elena's libido that was heightened. She found her tolerance for bullshit almost nil. "Stop it, just stop. It's not lust. I was in love with Damon before I turned, but I was afraid to admit it because I didn't want to hurt Stefan."

"Then why do it now? I'm sure, if you explain to him that this transition has your emotions all screwed up, he'll understand and take you back." Caroline's tone sounded more hopeful and pleading than nasty.

"I don't want to go back. What am I supposed to do lie to him? Live miserably, knowing I'm in love with someone else? I'm not doing that. It's not fair to him…and it's not fair to Damon either."

"Oh who cares about Damon's feelings?"

"I do! And I'm not going to argue with you about this anymore. It's done. It's my life. This is what I want."

"_Elena_…," Caroline whined.

"_Caroline_," Elena said, mocking her tone in annoyance. She let out a frustrated breath, quelling her anger. "I know you idolize Stefan, but this is the best thing for both of us, _really_. I'm setting him free, so he can find someone else."

Caroline's expression turned somber again, as she thought about the situation. "Stefan doesn't want anyone else. He wants _you._ Oh, he must be heartbroken. No wonder he has been avoiding everyone."

"Don't you think I know that Care? That's the point. I'm worried about him and so is Damon. He isn't taking this very well. Damon found a trail of empty blood bags the other day in the basement, and when he confronted Stefan, he acted like it was no big deal. He told Damon he had it under control, but we're worried he might snap."

"Well who could blame him?" Elena titled her head, giving Caroline a warning glance not to push her point any further. Reluctantly, Caroline conceded, "Ok, I'll try to reach him. Maybe I can help him get through this Ripper free. That's the least I could do for him after how much he helped me."

"Thank you. I appreciate it. He's barely speaking to Damon, and he's been avoiding me completely. He could use a friend he trusts right now."

Caroline gave a firm determined nod. "I'll swing by and check on him after school. Come on, we're going to be late for class." The two headed down the hall in silence.

It had been a long grueling day at school for Elena that just seemed to drag on and on. It started early with her confession to Caroline. Then there was the pop quiz in her French class she wasn't prepared for, followed by her math teacher calling on her to answer a question about an equation she clearly didn't know the answer to. It was obvious that she was completely distracted. She knew should've been paying attention, but all she could focus on was the situation with the Salvatores. After her conversation, or better yet, her _interrogation_ by Caroline, Elena sent Damon a text message, letting him know Caroline would help them watch after Stefan. It was Damon's reply that had her concerned. He mentioned an 'incident' with Stefan last night that furthered his suspicions about Stefan's state of mind, but he didn't go into detail. Her mind raced with possibilities when he said he'd tell her the rest later. Hopefully, Caroline's positive attitude could get through to Stefan, show him things will get better, help him cope. Now that Care was on board, Elena could focus on Damon. And she knew just where to find him.

Elena strode up to the bar at the Grille, where Damon was seated in his usual spot next to the empty chair he reserved for Ric. Damon's loyalty ran deep, and he would never forget his best friend even in death. She hopped up on the bar stool next to him, and grabbed the shot of whiskey he was about to drink, right out of his hands, and emptied the glass. She slammed the glass down on the bar. "Ah, I needed that. What a day."

Damon starred at her, amused by her brazen behavior. She was underage, but that didn't stop her from polishing off his drink. He loved it when she was feisty. "Whoa, easy there." He looked over each shoulder, checking out the room. "Don't want to get busted for underage drinking by the sheriff."

She cocked her head at him and frowned in disbelief. "Seriously? The sheriff is my best friend's mom. I hardly think I'll get more than a stern talking to." She reached over and grabbed his other shot, slamming down that one too. She leaned in closer, whispering conspiratorially. "Besides, I'll tell her you were a bad influence on me."

Following her lead, he leaned closer, teasing her back. "Ha, nice try. She knows I can't compel you anymore."

"Who said anything about compulsion? All you have to do is use that not so subtle charm, and I lose all control," She said coyly, as she batted her eyes at him.

He hummed naughtily, with a smirk at her obvious flirtation, and down cast his eyes. Time to change the subject before they got carried away. "_Soooo, _you survived the Caroline inquisition?" When the bar tender wasn't looking, Damon grabbed a bottle of whiskey from behind the bar and poured them each another shot.

"Barely," she snorted before turning serious. "It's good that she knows though. Stefan needs a friend he can trust right now to help him. And he definitely doesn't trust either of us at the moment." She slammed back the drink in front of her. "So what happened with him last night?"

Damon rotated the glass in his hand, watching the liquid inside swirl around in a circle. Without looking away from the glass, he said, "After I left you, I stopped here for a bit before going home. When I got there, I wasn't even in the door yet, when I heard a crash coming from upstairs. I went to Stefan's room, and there he was writing calmly in his journal."

"I don't understand. If he was journaling then where did the noise come from?"

The glass in his hand stilled, and he half turned to look at Elena. "There was glass all over the floor from a bottle he'd thrown against the wall, and the bathroom mirror was smashed. When I questioned him about it, he got pissed, and slammed me to the floor so hard it knocked the wind out of me. Before he stormed off, he gave me a swift kick breaking my ribs." Damon tossed back his drink, wincing slightly at the burn he felt when he swallowed the liquid. "He was too strong to be on animal blood."

"I guess we shouldn't be too surprised. I mean we knew he drank all those blood bags you found."

"Except this time, the blood stash hadn't been touched. That means he's either stealing from the hospital's blood bank, which we would've heard about, or…"

The implication settled in her mind, and she felt her muscles tense. "He's feeding." Damon nodded solemnly. "Caroline said she was going to stop over to see him after cheerleading practice. Maybe it will help."

The grave tone in Damon's voice belied the optimism of his response. "Yeah maybe." He grabbed another full bottle of alcohol from behind the bar, but this time he reached for the Tequila. As he tucked the bottle under his jacket, he slid off the bar stool, brushing past Elena. "Well, if Barbie is going to be at the house, guess I'll make myself scarce for a while."

Elena bit her lip. "Need some company?"

He cocked a crooked smile back at her. "Sure. Why not?"

Thrilled, she hopped off the bar stool, but was stopped as she turned to leave by Damon's grasp on her arm. He handed her the bottle he had in his hand then reached over the bar and grabbed a bottle of vodka. The look on Elena's face was a mixture of bewilderment and amusement. He said, "What? If you're coming with me, we're going to need more alcohol." He leaned down, chiding, "You drink like a sailor."

A flash of their Georgia trip, when they'd barely known each other, came to mind. She shook her head and laughed, recalling his surprise at how good she was at holding her liquor. That was the first time since the accident, she'd felt like her old self. And it was the first glimpse she saw of a Damon she would eventually fall in love with.


	9. Chapter 9

**After what happened in episode 4x18, I thought we** **could all use a hot DE moment. Note: explicit sexual content.**

Elena didn't bother to ask where Damon was he taking her for their impromptu booze fest. There was a time when she would've been annoyed that he was taking her someplace without telling her where. Now, she was simply happy to be with him and even happier that he seemed to want her with him. Already her head was spinning slightly from the two shots she'd downed before leaving. By no means was she a light weight, but since she hadn't eaten much all day, the alcohol was working on her system quicker than usual. Then again, maybe it was because she'd been chugging on the bottle she had in her lap since they'd left the Grille. The thought made her laugh to herself._ He's right. I do drink like a sailor._ Her attention snapped back into focus when Damon stopped the car. She looked out the window to see an old familiar haunt, and then glanced over at him, raising an eyebrow curiously. "The cemetery?"

The corners of his mouth moved downward into a_ 'why not'_ expression. He shrugged and said, "This used to be your favorite hangout right? I thought it was fitting seeing as how we're both dead and all. The only difference between us and them," he said pointing out at the cemetery, "is we can still have fun." Sporting a sarcastic grin, he winked at her, and then tossed back his bottle, taking in a big gulp of Tequila.

Elena shook her head, smiling at his twisted sense of humor, as she opened the door to get out. In the distance, she heard the rumble of thunder and wondered if an outdoor party tonight was the best idea. "Did you hear that?"

For a moment, Damon studied the looming clouds but decided they weren't a threat. "It looks like it's moving away from us. We should be fine. Come on." He motioned with his hand for her to follow.

They made their way through the cemetery in relative silence. Elena walked behind Damon, stepping over tombstones as they went. She didn't understand where they were going. For her, anywhere would've been good enough to plop down while they drank, but Damon seemed to have a specific location in mind. Suddenly he stopped, causing her to slam into him and bounce off like she hit a brick wall. Just as she was about to say _'what the hell'_, she noticed him staring at the ground. She followed his gaze to see what had him so transfixed and was taken aback at the realization. Damon didn't catch sight of the somber way Elena stared at him, as he looked down at Ric's grave. Alaric had been his only real friend, and he'd been taken away from him. No, not just taken away. He had died twice in Damon's presence, once actually in his arms. It wasn't as though she didn't know he missed Ric. He didn't have to say it. It was obvious by the way he never let anyone take over Ric's spot at the bar. What troubled Elena was that she'd been so caught up in her own transitional drama, and the mistake she made in choosing Stefan, that she never stopped to see his loneliness and pain. It wasn't just losing the woman he loved to his brother that hurt Damon. His loss had been exacerbated by the death of his one true friend. Yet even now, after she'd adjusted, she hadn't bothered to ask how he was coping. All she had been focused on was trying to convince him of her feelings. The thought that she could be so self-centered and clueless to his suffering tore at her heart. _Way to go Elena. Great way to prove your love._

When Damon finally looked up, he noticed a sorrowful look in Elena's eyes, yet he knew it wasn't for Ric. He could see that it was meant for him, and he found it unsettling. There was really no reason to conceal his feelings around Elena anymore. By now she knew him well enough to see the truth behind his facade. In fact, she knew him better than his own brother did._ Old habits die hard,_ he supposed. Or maybe since their night together, there was a part of him that felt the need to throw up that protective wall again. Vulnerability was not his thing, not after Katherine had ripped his heart out and stomped on it. Either way, his fall back response was always to inject some levity into a situation. He gave her an uneasy smirk, raising the bottle in his hand, and giving it a little shake in front of them. "Thought we'd stop and share a drink with Ric seeing as how you downed his shot earlier."

Elena knew all too well his deflection tactics. She'd seen it many times before. Nevertheless, she flashed a weak smile meant to humor him. She raised her bottle and tapped it against his in a toast to Ric. They each took a huge gulp from their prospective bottles before Elena's face turned sober again. Her eyes pleaded for forgiveness, and her voice was loaded with regret. "I'm sorry Damon. I've been so selfish, not just about you and Stefan but about Ric too."

"What are you talking about?"

"I've been so blinded by my own problems and feelings that I didn't even notice how much you were hurting. Jeremy and I aren't the only ones who lost Ric. You lost him too, and all I could think about was myself."

Mid-swig, he pulled the bottle away from his lips. He scrunched his face and shook his head. He shrugged his arms out at his sides at the absurdity. Irritation was apparent in his voice. "You were transitioning Elena."

"Yeah, in the beginning, but that doesn't excuse now. You've always been there for me when I needed you, and I should have done the same for you. Instead, once again it was all about Elena," she said, disgusted with herself. She took a big gulp from her bottle, making a sour face as the liquid burned her throat.

Damon's expression softened. Her self-condemnation made him uncomfortable especially since it revolved around him. The truth was he willingly put his own feelings on the back burner any time she needed him. In his mind, her happiness and safety were more important than his own. He would literally die to take away her pain. Turning away, he took a few steps towards the stone bench across from Ric's headstone. He let out a groaning sigh. As he slowly sat down, resting his elbows on his knees, he rolled the bottle mindlessly back and forth between his palms. "It's fine Elena."

She walked over and sat down next to him, placing her hand on his knee. Gently, she said, "I know you miss him Damon. I miss him too."

Damon rolled his bottom lip into his mouth, firmly scraping his top teeth over it. Glancing over at Elena and seeing her empathetic stare, he resigned himself to the fact that there was no sense in hiding his feelings from her. "He was a good friend." He tilted the lip of the bottle towards Ric's grave. "Here's to you buddy." Swiftly, he guzzled down another mouthful to kill the ache in his heart.

Elena raised her bottle too. "To you Ric. We miss you." She took another giant gulp, hiccupping mid-swallow. When she pulled the bottle away, her hand shot up to her mouth in surprise, as she attempted to stifle the next hiccup. Embarrassed, she cast a glance at Damon, who already had an amused smirk on his face. "Sorry."

Abruptly, it started pouring. Damon stood up and offered her his hand. Over the crack of thunder, he yelled, "Come on, let's get out of here."

Though admittedly, Elena didn't really want to stay in the pouring rain, she wasn't yet ready to leave either. Both of their bottles were only a third of the way empty, and she wanted to spend more time alone with Damon. She hesitated and pulled her jacket up to cover her head. "Where are we going?"

A bolt of lightning illuminated the sky followed by a loud cracking sound. "Somewhere we can stay dry until the storm passes. I don't know about you, but I'm not really in the mood to get electrocuted."

"I'm with you," she yelled back.

With bottles in hand and coats held above their heads, they ran through the graveyard's rapidly forming puddles, dodging headstones along the way. By the time they reached the Salvatore mausoleum, they were both completely soaked. Their shoes made squishing sounds as they plodded inside. Elena pulled her coat down from her head, revealing her saturated hair. She teased, "So much for it moving away from us."

"I said it _looks like_ it's moving away. I didn't say it was for sure. Who am I, Al Roker?" Damon removed his coat, fanning it out on top of the crypt to dry. He ran his hand over his face and through his hair, and then flicked his hand towards the ground, shaking the water off. He walked over to the wall and slid down until his butt hit the ground. His feet practically slid out from under him, causing him to hit harder than he'd expected. "God, I hate wet shoes," he groaned, before downing another drink.

In the meantime, Elena too had removed her coat and placed it on the crypt next to Damon's. She grabbed her hair in her hands and twisted it to wring out the water. Peeling off her wet top, she tossed it next to her coat. Underneath she wore a light pink camisole that clung even more to her body under the wetness. She pinched the fabric between her fingers, pulling it away from her skin uncomfortably. "I think I hate wet underwear more." Almost as soon as the words left her mouth, she caught their double meaning. She shot a look towards Damon, who of course leered at her lasciviously. Looking down at her camisole, she noticed the cold, wet material against her skin made her nipples perk up. She smirked before looking back up at Damon. "Ok, I walked into that one." She grabbed her bottle and made her way over to where he was seated. She slid down next to him with her back leaning against the wall. She pulled her boots off and teased. "The way I deal with soaked shoes is to take them off."

A laugh vibrated in his throat. "Smarty pants." Her challenging stare dared him to question her logic. Instead, he rolled his eyes and reluctantly conceded. "Fine." He pulled his knee up, squaring it over his other leg, and unzipped his boot. He dropped it to the floor and repeated the step with the other boot. Raising his eyebrows, he smirked mockingly at her when he finished. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the fact that she was no longer with his brother. Maybe it was simply her wet top, but for the first time in a while, he found himself freely flirting with her. "You know, you can deal with wet underwear the same way."

Elena blushed slightly, feeling flutters in her stomach. She'd missed this relaxed, flirtatious side of Damon. She batted her eyelashes and coyly replied, "Careful or those are coming off next." Her eyes slowly scanned down and back up his body. Seductively, she purred, "Yours, that is."

A naughty _'hmm, hmm, hmm'_ sound escaped his lips. _God she looks sexy. _"Except I don't _wear_ underwear."

"I know," she whispered, with an alluring sparkle in her eyes. Her smile was warm and inviting, as she raised the bottle to her lips and sipped.

He studied her for a moment, thinking about how much he loved it when she smiled. Her death and subsequent transition had turned her world upside down. Hell, it had turned all of their worlds upside down. She'd become the thing she never wanted to be, but she had survived. As much as he knew the heartache she had endured, he was grateful she had turned. Even if she had never come to him with her feelings, he was happy to be a part of her life. Now that she _had_ told him her feelings and ended things with Stefan, he wasn't sure where things were with them. He wanted to trust what she said, but he was afraid to, afraid of being manipulated. Nothing had ever worked in his favor before. It was always Stefan, and he feared that it would be again. Then there was Stefan's emotional stability. If he did give in, what would happen with Stefan? Damon cleared the roughness in his throat, trying to shift the tempo of the conversation. "So, do you really think Barbie will be able to help with Stefan?" His question was heavily laced with skepticism. He casually took another sip of his drink, trying to hide the other thoughts that had been racing through his head.

The change in conversation was a little disappointing but not really unexpected. Elena could tell he was still struggle with the situation, they both were. "Uh, I don't know, but Caroline doesn't give up easily. And he trusts her. Maybe she can get through to him. It's worth a shot."

He huffed out his agreement. "Hmph, she does have that annoyingly perky attitude. God knows my broody baby bro could use that right about now."

Elena gave him a tentative smile, but the burden of her guilt came through in her eyes. "Stefan tried to tell me how long it would take him to get his bloodlust under control again. I should have believed him. I guess I was just so desperate to bring him back."

"Well, he wouldn't have been in trouble in the first place, if he hadn't made that deal with Klaus to save me." Damon shook his head, drinking some more. Sure he'd done his best to bring Stefan back afterwards, but it hadn't needed to happen in the first place, if only Stefan had stopped with the martyr complex, and just let him die.

"I feel awful that he was dependent on me to hold him together, and I failed him."

"Elena, we can beat ourselves up about this all we want. But the truth is, in 164 years, Stefan has never learned to control his bloodlust." It wasn't your responsibility to hold him together." He saw the guilt still present in her eyes. His hand reached up instinctively to console her, caressing her cheek gently with his thumb. Bending his head down slightly to capture her eyes, he said, "Hey, he would've fallen off the wagon at some point with or without our help."

She nodded subtly, knowing what he said was true. The feel of his fingers against her cheek reminded her of how much she missed him.

Their eyes searched each others' longing for more. The distance between them began to close until their lips finally claimed one another's. They kissed slowly, soaking in the tenderness of the moment. The fingers Damon held against her cheek, slid under her hair to the nape of her neck, cupping her head. He pulled her in closer. Elena's hand rested on his neck, where she rubbed her fingers soothingly over his collar bone. Chills ran up his spine with her touch. He wanted her so much. Their lips parted for a moment, as they caught their breath, resting their foreheads against each others'.

This time Elena would wait for Damon to make the first move. She could feel his reservation to move forward. She knew he was still afraid to believe her, so she would let him decide if it was right.

His eyes lazily looked into hers as if he were hypnotized by the sight of her deep brown orbs. She was a drug he couldn't resist. There was no point in fighting against what he truly wanted. His lips tenderly captured hers again. His tongue begged for access to her mouth which she readily gave. Relishing the voluptuous feel of her full lips, Damon sucked her lower lip into his mouth. He nibbled softly, pulling her closer to him.

Elena could feel her dead heart beating hard in her chest at the sensuousness of his kisses. Her hands ran through his hair, her fingers tugging desirously at the strands. Breathless moans escaped her mouth, as their tongues danced together. She felt his fingers rake pleasurably down her neck, across her shoulder, to slide the strap of her camisole down. She tilted her head back, closing her eyes, as she got lost in the feel of his warm tongue gliding down her throat. She cradled his head against her when his lips moved lower along her breast. His teeth grazed over the taunt nipple that protruded beneath her camisole. Elena kneaded the firm muscles down his back with her finger tips until she reached the edge of his t-shirt. Her fingers wove their way underneath, feeling the warmth of his skin. She inched his shirt up and pulled it off.

Damon shifted them into a prone position with such fluidity and grace that it reminded her of a beautifully choreographed waltz. He felt her wince at the coldness of the floor. In a flash, he moved them to the crypt, settling Elena upright on top of their coats. Immediately he locked his lips to hers again. One hand held her ass, the other slid over her breast. He slid her camisole down to expose her nipple, capturing it in his mouth, and gently rolling his teeth over it.

The sensation set her on fire, causing a sudden flush of wetness to soak her panties. He guided her gently onto her back, sliding his hands over her body. Rolling her camisole up to expose her skin, he licked and sucked along her tummy. She peeled her top off to give him better access. His tongue ran along her rib cage, and she flinched at the sensation. Her breathing becoming heavier. Roughly, he pulled her hips towards him. He pressed his hardness between her legs, and undid her jeans. Her back arched slightly, as he pulled them down over her hips, taking her panties along with them. With intense lust filled eyes, Damon took in the sight of the naked beauty before him. His cock was painfully hard, but he had a strong desire to taste her first.

He teasingly ran his fingers along the insides of her thighs, feeling her wetness. Kneeling into position, he stroked his hand along her pubic hair before running his finger down her slit. The soft flesh gave way under his touch, spreading for him invitingly. The first swipe of his tongue along her throbbing nub, sent a jolt of pleasure through her body, prompting an involuntary flinch of her pelvis. He sucked on her swollen mound, wiggling his tongue along her pulsating nerves. Her breath caught in her throat with the sudden pleasurable sensation. When he released her from his grip, his tongue ran up and down along her core in long slow strokes. His thumb played at her opening. Once again, he captured her in his mouth, gently nibbling at the flesh. A moan escaped Elena's lips, as she thrashed against the crypt. Her body convulsed with her intense release. Allowing her to ride out the high, Damon continued to lick softly along her flesh, lapping up her sweet taste. He stood up when her body began to still and wiped his fingers over his mouth. Tilting his head to the side with a subtle, yet devilish smirk, he gazed down to see the look of complete satisfaction on her face.

Elena sat up, her fingers feverishly working to free him from his jeans. She laid kisses all along his chest while her hands pushed at his hips. Damon dropped his pants to the ground to help her. His engorged member flinched against his stomach in anticipation of her touch. Hastily, he pulled her face to his, engulfing her mouth with his lips. Her fingers wrapped around his hardness, massaging it slowly. They re-positioned themselves, lying back against the crypt, as their hands roamed each others' bodies. They continued to kiss passionately, grinding their bodies together. Positioning himself at her entrance, Damon nibbled along her chin before gradually sliding himself inside. Like two pieces of a puzzle, their bodies fit perfectly together. Their faces were mere inches apart, so the warmth of their panted breaths brushed against their lips. With their eyes each focused on the other's, they got lost in the drunken haze of the emotions they felt. His slow, deliberate thrusts were made deeper by Elena. She cupped his ass, pressing him harder into her. With a feather like touch, Damon's lips glided down from her chin to her ear where he placed a delicate kiss at her lobe. His movements became quicker. He buried his nose in her hair, inhaling its fragrance, until he lost all control. Elena felt the warm flush of his fluid fill her. His body stilled, and he held her tight against him. For a moment, held quietly in their embrace, Damon lovingly pet Elena's hair, brushing it away from her face.

Elena's eyes searched the depth of his pale blue pools, and she whispered, "I loved you."

A gentle smile graced his lips, and his eyes welled with tears, but he choked them back. Unable to speak, he simply acknowledged her declaration with a subtle nod. He separated from her and pulled her up into a seated embrace. His fingers circled delicately along her back, and she rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. When they parted, he traced her lower lip with his thumb, and then leaned in for a lingering kiss. He cupped under her ass and picked her up off of the crypt, settling her feet on the ground. He bent down and pulled his pants up.

Though her clothes were still wet, she gathered them up, and slipped her panties and shirt back on. Damon guided her by the hand back over to the wall and sat down. He gently pulled her onto his lap. Her legs were draped over one side of his. She wrapped her arms around his neck, as he cradled her to him. Enjoying the quiet solitude of the moment, she nestled her head in the crook of his neck, and listened to the pattering of the rain against the mausoleum.

A while later, Elena lifted her head up groggily and looked at Damon, who looked as though he had just awoken too. Between the alcohol and their love making, they were both spent and had dozed off to the sound of the rain. Sleepily, she said, "We must have fallen asleep."

Teasing her with a devilish grin, he replied, "I can't imagine why." Their smiles broadened at each other, and Elena pulled his face to hers for a tender kiss. Even though Elena was hardly heavy, he played with her anyway. "Hmmm, I think my legs have gone numb. Either that or someone snuck in while we were sleeping and cut them off." Believing he was serious, Elena shifted in his lap to get up, but Damon tightened his grip in protest. "I'm kidding. You're fine. But we probably should get going. Sounds like the rain has stopped."

Elena whimpered her disapproval, grabbing his neck tighter and nuzzling her head back under his chin. "Mmm, I want to stay. Just a little longer." She shifted her head slightly, so her eyes could look up at him pleadingly.

He gave her a quick, gentle smile. The truth was he didn't want to leave her either, but he knew he had to get home to keep an eye on Stefan. Stroking her hair, he rocked her soothingly, before placing a kiss on the top of her head. "Sure." It killed him to have to say it, but he had to for all of their sakes. Carefully, he said, "You know we can't tell anyone about us, right? Not right now with Stefan so close to the edge." He looked down at her face, still cupping the back of her hair, awaiting her response.

She blinked her eyes in solemn acceptance and whispered, "I know. It doesn't matter as long as I have you." She snuggled her face back into his neck, inhaling his cologne, and closed her eyes again.

He kissed her forehead, and then rested his cheek on top of her head. Combing her hair with his fingers, he said, "You'll always have me." There was still so much to be worked out between them that he couldn't allow himself to say the words he wanted to. That time would come later, when he felt more secure that this was all real. For now, they would take one day at a time.


End file.
